[NARRATED]
‘No strippers…’ Kurhula insists for the third time after he gets home from work and finds his brothers already ready to hit the club.
‘This bachelor party was being organized by me, not your friend Khalanga. Have a little faith. We’re hosting men there. The only women there will be the bottle girls of course’ Fikani continues trying to assure.
‘And if they are there, what harm will it do? It’s a bachelor party for heaven’s sake’ Mac says and Fikani immediately laughs at the face Kurhula pulls.
‘Do you know who I’m married to?’ Kurhula gets rhetorical before facing back to the mirror in the study – combing his hair.
‘Double the trouble’ Fikani supports.
‘That bad? Larona seems sweet though’
‘The one who you think is the sweetest is the worst in terms of belligerence’
‘Vaku “belligerence”. Vanhu va English home language varhena. Listen to the school fees here. I’d forgotten that you’re Elizabeth’s fourth cousin’ Mac mocks and they all laugh.
‘I went to the most expensive school in the country. Quit playing with me’
‘I had also forgotten that you’ll do everything but be humble’
Fikani silently finds this interaction funny.
‘What? Was I supposed to lie and say I went to Zond’imfundo Combined School?’
‘For once. Maybe it’s the secret to you gaining some complexion’
‘Nah now you’re also indirectly coming for me. Why am I innit?’ Fikani complains.
‘The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice’ Kurhula jabs back.
‘Case closed’ Fikani stamps on it.
‘And it’s not like you’re that much lighter than us. If we were women and used foundation, you would’ve easily been able to borrow from us’ Kurhula adds. The banter continues over pre-drinks in the study while the event has already started at the club.
‘So, you said only men?’
‘Yeah. Chilling as majita, with booze and assorted platters. It’s gonna be a mature vibe with speakers and comedians. We’re not twenty two anymore’ Fikani explains. ‘Now you’re forcing me to ruin the surprise’ he adds.
‘So, men’s conference is not just a social media concept? It’s a thing thing?’ Mac asks and the two laugh.
‘Something like that’
‘Tell me, wasn’t it weird to discover that you have a whole identical twin at your age? I know I’d freak out’
The two look at each other; as if searching answers from one another’s face.
‘It was but not to the point of a heart attack inducing shock’ Fikani says.
‘For me it was creepy to be honest. It was like looking in the mirror, except the reflection is not following your lead; it’s instead doing its own things’
Mac chuckles at this answer.
‘But I don’t think we are THAT identical’ Fikani argues.
‘You wouldn’t see it because you know your face better than everyone, including Kurhula. I’m telling you that you are. The type to sit in for an exam that’s not theirs without any chance of getting caught’
‘Okay enough. Let’s go before I change my mind’
Fikani lets out breathy laughter because he knows how the twin chat tends to annoy Kurhula sometimes. It’s always the first thing new people want to talk about whenever they’re in the same room.
‘Are we driving or are we being driven?’ he asks while searching the pockets of his jeans to ensure that his card holder is in there.
‘I think the chauffer option is much safer. I don’t intend on drinking but you never know what might happen’
They agree and follow each other out. Mac quickly goes to his bedroom to fetch his phone.
‘You okay?’ Kurhula asks – noticing the melancholic aura that his brother tried to hide, referencing Mhan’ Sarah’s funeral and everything else. Fikani says.
‘We’ve laid her to rest, man. Life goes on’
‘Have you found the culprits?’
‘My ex-wife is the cause of all this mess, and I can’t retaliate because we’re even now. It’s the rule and principle of the game’
‘Tumi? What do you mean?’
‘She found out that I’m the one who offed Don, her father’
Kurhula’s jaw hangs loose.
‘Where are we right now? Jupiter?’
Mac comes back and asks them why they’re still standing there.
‘I’ll tell you all about it some other time. Let’s go’
The monkey wrench that Fikani has just thrown in Kurhula’s brain continues spinning as he walks, causing several glitches. They arrive at Neon Lights. The sun was still yet to set as they walked in.
Mashabela made a joke about how papao, referring to Kurhula, was probably still negotiating with his wife-to-be so he can be allowed to go out; how basadi are controlling and all that. Everyone there laughs including the late-comers as they settle down in the VIP section after greeting Khalanga and the rest of Kurhula’s friends, on the couch dedicated for them.
He cracks another joke and the place roars with laughter before he says his thanks and gets off the stage. Kelvin Momo’s Lately starts playing after his performance, then Mohigan Sun as the conversation background, followed by Who Keeps Changing Your Mind which gets Kurhula dancing with his shoulders because he hadn’t heard the song in a while. Fikani made sure that the kind of music played by the DJ was variant but still to Kurhula’s taste. The food and drinks arrive as they await Jonathan Mathebula, an elderly retired counsellor whose item is giving marriage advice, who was to be followed by a man who’s only been married for ten years for mass talk contrast. Mac was engrossed in Yahoo.
‘Are you winning with Mabontle?’ Kurhula asks as he refills the ice in all their glasses. Fikani sighs.
‘Ey mfo… I think she blocked me. I’m not sure’
‘Do you think she’s gonna forgive any time soon?’
‘I don’t think so. I fvcked up big time. She gave me her ring back the last time I tried to convince her to come back home’ he says and pulls out the diamond hanging from his neck chain to show him.
‘That’s not good…’
‘Better fix it sooner than later because you know her position can’t remain vacant, right? Those fossils might be planning on getting you a new wife as we speak’
‘I’d send them packing along with that wife’ Fikani states with irritation and Kurhula bursts in loud laughter. Mac raises his eyes to the both of them, nonchalantly shakes his head and goes back to his phone.
‘He mfo, what’s your plan here?’
‘What do you mean?’ Fikani asks and grimaces when his drink hits the back of his throat.
‘With Nqobile? And the mistress that was organized for you?’
‘I called off the whole thing with the latter’
‘And the baby momma?’
Fikani rubs his hands together and sits in his frustration, visibly thinking.
‘Mabontle was never supposed to find out about Nqobile. Now everything has been turned upside down, inside out’
‘Are you taking her as a second wife?’
‘I would if I was married to someone different. That psycho of mine would kill her with her bare hands’
‘How do you sleep with both eyes closed with Mabontle on the same bed as you bra?’
Fikani laughs. ‘Kahle. It’s that unpredictability that makes me love her this much’
‘The day she stabs you in the eye with a comb…’
‘Don’t start’
‘That woman is capable of stabbing you multiple times to death’
‘I have nine lives, remember?’ Fikani says feasting on a hot wing. Kurhula simply shakes his head at the madness and sits back with his drink.
‘I hear you, Lord of the rings’ he jests and Fikani thins his eyes at him.
