[KULANI]
This is the part about marriage I don’t like. It’s in the AMs and Kurhula is kissing on my shoulder. I know exactly what he wants and I’m not up for it. I spent the whole of yesterday in the field, harvesting herbs and having lengthy conversations with the dead.
‘Baby?’ I call. I can barely keep my eyes open. He’s caressing my thigh.
‘Hm?’ he answers – still at it.
‘Not today’
He stops. ‘Are you okay?’
I sigh. ‘Not really. My lower back is sore’ I report. I feel like there’s pent up pressure and tension there that needs to be released.
‘What can I do to help?’
I’m glad he asked. ‘Sit on me’ I say and lie properly on my stomach. He’s hesitant.
‘You sure?’
‘Yeah. I need to feel something heavy there to feel better’
He removes the duvet and does as I say. The relief that befalls me? I feel like he’s in the process of untying a tight knot.
‘This way?’ he asks and I nod. He starts massaging my whole back with his hands.
It’s the unveiling today. Or re-unveiling? Kurhula created an unorthodox mess here and I just want it over and done with.
‘How are you wanting to have sex when you’re the one who will be slaughtering the goat?’ I ask and he laughs.
‘Why are you speaking like you’re my side chick? You and I are one. We can do whatever without consequences’
He’s right but I still feel like abstinence is necessary in such cases. It’s only for one day, he won’t die.
I don’t know when I fell back into deep sleep but he wakes me up again – having already showered and gotten dressed. He smells godly, as always.
‘Pfuka. I’m off to fetch Larona and my mother’
‘What time is it?’ I ask.
‘It’s half past four’
The ceremony starts at half past five. Well, that’s usually the time we go gather under the large Morula tree where blood and traditional beer will be spilled.
‘Is she done?’ I ask.
‘I hope so. You two have a habit of saying you are whereas you’re still in bras, barefoot, and not yet started with your make-up’
I laugh out loud.
‘Don’t laugh, it’s irritating’
He mustn’t take out his frustrations on me.
‘I’ll be done when you come back, I promise’
He kisses my forehead and leaves the room. I need to sit up and open the windows so I can feel more awake, otherwise I’ll easily go back to sleep. I make sure to be quick, even with my face because my hair also needs some heat treatment. I’m going to tie a silk headwrap on top of the weave so I’m only focusing on the exposed parts of the hair.
Mabontle knocks while I’m still busy with that and I check my phone. It’s time to go. I walk out of the room and she tells me that people are already in the garden. Kurhula sent her to fetch me. He’s probably annoyed as we speak but it is what it is. I thought I still had time. She has Tlhari in her hands and he seems comfortable so I won’t disturb them.
We get to the garden and sit on one of the two unoccupied reed mats. Fikani is the first to get the ritual started – reciting clan names and telling our forefathers that the day has arrived and that they should accept the gifts we come bearing; that they should drink and be satiated. Kurhula is kneeling next to him, firmly holding the goat that’s busy screaming like it knows that it’s on death row. Fikani hands him the calabash and they switch places. I love Mhan’ Singi’s dress. I can’t help but stare. She’s a beautiful woman with a unique sense of style, one that aunty Lydia despises. I feel like she has timeless pieces. Xongi on the other hand has lost a considerable amount of weight, it’s heartbreaking.
Kurhula also starts by greeting and acknowledging the long list of those who have gone before him, until he gets to the one we’re all gathered here for.
‘Edward, Bava…’ he stops and exhales. He drinks and sprays some of the sorghum beer all over the ground. ‘A lot has happened between you, my mother and I’
‘I am not willing to discuss any of that because it’s in the past. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be gathered here today’
It’s necessary that we clap twice after every sentence, palm against palm – to show that we’re here willingly and are in support of whatever is going on in here, that we were not forced, and that we agree.
‘Take this goat as a token of appreciation. We’ve had our differences but I’m grateful for the opportunities you were always willing to place in my hands. In such, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I wouldn’t be the man I am today, career-wise, if it wasn’t for you. The advocate and businessman that’s kneeling here today, is all because of you. Mbuti leyi also an apology for all the times you’ve felt I was disobedient towards you’
He stands up and receives the knife from Junior. Fikani helps hold the animal as Kurhula puts an end to its life. All this is heart-wrenching because I can sense the pain he’s feeling from here.
‘Are we going to eat or bury that goat?’ AK asks, sitting on Aunty Lydia’s lap. We all laugh because we know that he has officially begun with interrogation. He was observing and scrutinizing every action when he was quiet. Aunty dabs her cheek with a tissue sheet and I can see that she’s crying under those shades.
It’s all done. We disperse and leave the men to slice the meat for cooking. The unveiling is also quick and we drive back to the yard. These shoes are chafing my feet but what’s new with new heels? I quickly go inside the house to change into flats then come back to join the ladies outside. We’re simply sitting on the grass picnic-style and snacking while we wait for the food to get ready. It’s just pure banter all around, just like with the men but I don’t see Kurhula anywhere. I cannot help but worry about him. The last time I saw him was at the cemetery because I came back in another car. I’d say he’s with her but Larona is here chilling with the rest of us. I need to go find my husband.
I get up and go look for him in the house. I find him in the study. Everyone is outside and he’s in here, sitting by himself and drowning his sorrows with cognac. I close the door and go sit on his lap.
‘Hi Mommy’ he greets. His voice is coarse, giving away the fact that he’s been quiet for a long time.
‘Hi daddy’
‘Are they boring you outside?’ he asks, before finishing off his drink.
‘Not really, I was just worried about you’
His smile is weak and it confirms the fact that I had every right to be concerned.
‘Let’s talk about it’ I offer. He pours himself more alcohol.
‘I don’t think there’s anything to talk about, Kuli. This had to be done, for AK and all his other siblings, my children. I had to man up and take all the blame because I have a family I would die for. That’s all I have to say, so there’s really nothing more to talk about’
I don’t like this dolorous energy surrounding him. He’s calm in his speech but I can hear his inner child screaming, now I’m emotional.
‘Don’t cry. It’s over’ he says and softly squeezes the side of my waist.
‘I’m proud of you, hubby. I am proud of the man you’re always taking the conscious decision to become. I’m proud of how you put us first in everything you do, of the provider and the protector that you are. What you did today was not a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s proof that you’re ten times the man that your father could only dream of while he was still alive’
He huffs. ‘Trust me, he had zero aspirations of becoming a better man. But thank you nkata mina. To a man, nothing can match the feeling of your efforts being seen and appreciated by your woman’
‘I see you baby’
His lips curve into a smile. ‘You do?’ he asks, more rhetorically before pulling me close so he can kiss me. His breath reeks of the alcohol he’s busy drinking here. I break the kiss and he drops another one on my chin. Kurhula is a touchy-feeling lover and no one can change this fact about him. I excuse myself so I can go find AK. I find him with the elderly women, having braai meat.
‘Please go call daddy Fikani for me and tell him I’ll be in the lounge’ I ask nicely and he immediately runs off. Fikani is behind the house, having conversations with his uncles and other men. I can’t go there. I check for Mabontle and I find her sleeping on the grass. I laugh because I know it wasn’t intentional. She doses off every chance she gets these days. Now she’s sleeping amidst boisterous laughs and screams.
‘What’s up?’ he finally appears. We take a seat on the couch and I make sure that we’re alone.
‘Do you know that you have a child on the way? And I’m not talking about Mabontle?’
The look on his face certifies him guilty. I want to scold him, I desperately want to but I can’t as he’s still my king at the end of the day. His guides won’t have that.
‘It wasn’t intentional’
‘How far along is she?’
‘Seven months’
My jaw swings to the floor.
‘Seven mo— ! You impregnated them at the same time?!’ I lose my cool, then internally coach myself to calm down. He looks at me the same way I expected him to; like he’s wondering if I’ve forgotten who I’m talking to.
But why am I surprised? Once a woman gets pregnant by you and you sleep with another, chances of her also catching are high because in our culture we say your blood is still hot.
‘Bontle cannot find out about this. At least not now’
This sounds more like a command than a request. He wants me to keep this away from my sister? Then what the hell happens when she finds out that I knew? I am so upset!
‘But you know that she’s going to lose her mind right? Have you forgotten what happened the last time another woman was involved here? You almost died. Now there’s a baby?’
‘I can handle my wife. You don’t need to worry about me’
‘You’re attracted to danger and I feel like it’s going to end very badly for you’
I get up and leave because if I sit here a minute longer, I might catch a fine. I’m also feeling very anxious and I suspect it’s this situation with Fikani and his women. I am very unsettled right now.
