[KULANI]
I almost died of a heart attack in my sleep. When I open my eyes, I see him standing next to the dressing table and putting on his silver watch. He was dressed exactly like that in the dream and this is sending sharp chills down my spine, I’m even shaking.
‘Where are you going?’ I ask and he turns around.
‘Hi baby. Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to. I just came to get this’ he says and hangs his wrist in the air to show me his time piece. ‘What’s wrong?’ he approaches the bed. I am still mad at him yes but knowing that he might die in a couple of hours has my entire mind scattered.
‘Breathe with me…’ he sits next to me and brushes my back. That vision messed me up. I’m grinding my right knuckles against my left palm because it’s the only thing that feels grounding to me right now. They’re speaking and I’m listening with shut eyes. Kurhula has gone quiet but he’s still trying to soothe me and it’s not working. There’s a freezing cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. When the voices go silent, I open my eyes and find him still looking at me. I sniff away the tears and he gets me to lie on my side on the bed, then cuddles me.
‘I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready to talk’
His phone goes off and he answers it on loudspeaker. It’s Broski, that’s what he saved Fikani’s numbers as.
‘Boet, have you forgotten that I’m waiting for you down here?’
‘Let’s make it half seven. Kuli needs me’
‘Oh, is she grand?’
‘Not really but don’t worry. I’ll be there’
He cuts the call and tightens his hold around me.
‘Where were you two planning to go?’ I ask when I eventually manage to calm down.
‘It’s Khalanga’s birthday so he’s hosting dinner’
‘Promise me you won’t go there, both of you. Promise me you won’t go anywhere until I figure out how we’re supposed to fix this’
He goes silent, most probably confused.
‘May I ask why?’
‘The ancestors are livid. The whole thing with Mabontle and Mhani Singi. They want her back home and I’m not sure if that’s all it’ll take to calm the storm’
‘I fully understand and I will adhere to your instructions. I’ll let Mlambya know’ he gravely swears and ascertains with a kiss on my shoulder. I simply nod. Silence ensues.
‘Can I take advantage of this moment and ask for forgiveness for whatever I did? The silent treatment is getting to me. I’d rather you kick me again than you pretending like I do not exist. It hurts’
I do not have an answer.
‘Do something. Scream at me and vent. I want to know what it is I did. Does it have anything to do with Larona? Whatever it is, tell me so I can fix it’
‘You betrayed me’
‘I betrayed you? Please expand, baby’
‘You allowed me to sleep in jail knowing very well that my own father is the one behind my mother’s death’
He almost chokes on his own saliva. He immediately clears his throat.
‘Where do you get that?’
I sit up and look at him. ‘Does it matter?’
He gets up as well and shifts so he’s right in front of me.
‘Mbilu ya Kurhula, please listen. First of all, I had no idea that your dad was behind the hit at the time when you were locked up. The only thing on my mind back then was getting you out. He only came clean on the morning of your court day, begging me to ensure to that you’re not taken back there’
‘And not even once did you think to let me know?’
‘For what? You love your father and he loves you too. What happened that day was a clash of unfortunate events. He called the hit because of you, because of what that woman did to you. He had no idea that his person will find you there. I’d hate to see the relationship you have with him go up in flames because of this’
This hurts and not a little bit; the pain cuts deep.
‘I am not going to sit here and lie to you. I do not regret keeping this a secret. The plan was to take it to the grave. My biggest duty in this union is to protect you. I know that we both broke your heart and I’m sorry. I apologize for the old man and I. However, losing you will kill him baby, slowly if not instantly. Please think very carefully about this. I can bear the brunt, it’s okay, we’ll figure it out but –‘ he pulls in some air.
For a person who’s had a terrible relationship with their father, this is rather unexpected of him. Maybe he feels like he’s found another one in mine but still, how could they? If they can hide such a big thing from me, how am I expected to start trusting them again?
‘Are you asking me to die in silence? Never to confront him? So you’ll lose your mind over anything everyone else does to me except my own father?’
‘That is not what I am saying. All I’m saying is, consider the fact that there was no ill intent from him when he did this. He was simply trying to protect his baby girl. I’d do the same for any of my kids. Confront him yes but don’t cut him off’
‘He killed his wife. This whole thing changed my perspective of him’
‘That’s understandable. We never fully know the people we’re close with. You were better off in the dark about this. I believe so because even your people hid it from you’
‘Am I hypocrite for judging him when I was also prepared to pull the trigger?’
‘Yes you are’ he’s blunt in his response. I’m sitting with my legs crossed and he pulls me into the open space between his thighs.
‘I am not saying he wasn’t wrong. Have a conversation him for the sake of closure but not from a point of anger. You’re still furious. I only brought this up because I needed to know what it is we’re fighting about’
‘It’s just that… he’s always been a saint in my eyes. This is just a difficult pill to swallow’
‘To be fair, that’s a conclusion you drew up about him on your own. You can’t exactly punish him for that’ he states while massaging my feet.
‘This is not a court room. Not that I’ve forgiven you but I need you to be my husband right now’
What’s he smiling about? He’s not out of the woods but he’s simultaneously skating on thin ice.
‘And I’m sorry for kicking you. Hopefully we do not trend’
‘Don’t worry. That video situation was long mitigated’
Can’t help but raise a brow.
‘What did you two do to that lady?’
‘What could we possibly do? Bury her in the woods?’
‘Kurhula!’
He laughs. ‘We found her and bought the footage. I am tired of seeing people write whatever rubbish they feel like about you on social media. If they’re not saying you’re a snob then it’s something about our marriage. She’s never going to post it unless if she wants to experience what it’s like being sued for filth’
That’s a relief. One less thing to worry about. I’d hate to be the topic of a family meeting. Aunty Basani would demand my head on a stick.
‘You know I was beginning to think an ex or someone I don’t know made false claims about me’
‘What? Cheating claims?’
He nods.
‘I would’ve left that same night’ I tell him to his face. I am not joking.
‘I know, that’s why I don’t play with that kinda fire’ he attempts to kiss me and I pull back.
‘We’re not there yet?’ he asks and I nod, firmly. ‘I’m really sorry my love. I know you probably feel like I am dishonest and underhanded but if it’s worth anything, this wasn’t an easy secret to keep, even though it was necessary to be kept’
‘I have a headache. Please switch the lights off on your way out’ I pull the fleece blanket and cover myself all the way to the top of my head. I hear him sigh.
He gets off the bed and wears his shoes. He slightly pulls the blanket down and kisses my forehead.
‘I still love you even though you’re mad at me, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, mhana Vutlhari’ he kisses me again after whispering this to me and leaves.
