(December 22nd,2023)
As the year winds down I can't help cycling through the moments that affected who I'll be next year
Every decision
Every thought
Every moment of impact on my psyche
The one I can't stop thinking about
When I hit the tree head on
I still hear the fast spin of my tires in the snow
The immediate impact sound that a vehicle screams
The dead emptiness of after
Everything black
The seconds I struggled to open my eyes
Confident just as much now then I was then
If my car was still able to drive I would have tried again
My phone was plugged in charging
But the impact
Sent it flying off the charger into the backseat
I don't remember much
Except the blurry feel of the images around me and the cold
I couldn't move hardly
Pulling myself around with one working arm
Unable to stand and hang from the same tree
How ironic that would be
I've never struggled with persistence
It seems
Just struggled the most with the never ending hope to not breathe
The fact that the three people I wanted to see the most
the second I died
Became the first truck of an older gentleman
Who refused to leave
And the couple after who brought me a blanket so I wouldn't freeze
Three
Times it took me to muster the courage to even hit the tree
These days when the world has seemed to gobble me slow
I take myself to the gravesite
To pay my respects and see the three scars I gave to the tree
And talk to the girl that still sits there screaming for help and realizing no one hears
Even though the tree never fell
She still feels the emptiness watching the scars from the tree
Deepen quicker with the changing seasons
And every time I pass by I park next to the spot she sat and look to the other side of the street
Wishing the faces she met that day
Aren't only remembered in her dreams
YOU ARE READING
Your Struggles is What Creates Your Depth
PoetryA collection of poetry,and random thoughts written when I was struggling to find my way.
