His Daughter

This Moment

Scarlett's POV:
Adjusting to hold her in a better position, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in shock. I had an idea of what I'd be getting myself into when I promised to take her last night but I didn't imagine this. At least, not this way. I want to be happy and celebrate because I definitely have thought of this moment, whether I'll say that aloud or not, but that seems wrong.

This moment feels stolen, stripped of it's true intent. I can't even find it in myself to smile, as the anger of it settles. We talked and decided that I would be Carter's mother figure because that's what we thought was needed and something about our connection felt different. I made it clear that everything had to follow her pace and that in no way would I ever force her or make her uncomfortable. Yet, that's how this feels to me.

In my head, I imagined us having a fun family day, whether we went out or stayed inside, filled with soft giggles, fun times, smiles, and snuggles. I thought of myself tucking the girls in, in Rose's room, kissing their heads, and bidding them a good night. Rose would say "Night, Mama." and Carter would follow softly after, wanting to be just like her big sister.

But that's not what this moment is, instead it's sealed in need. A desperate attempt at the comfort she's needed for so long, yet hasn't been given. A five year old lost and clawing at the only outlet she knows. She shouldn't be desperate. Though, she is.

And this moment, this significance hasn't just stripped the happiness from me, but it's stolen her choice, her voice. She doesn't get a say in the family she's born into, or the way her father fails her time and time again, so I promised myself she'd have a choice with me. Her voice would matter, and it does now but not in the way it should.

Today, her voice was stolen. She didn't choose to accept me in this moment, rather she was forced into it grabbing onto the only hand she was offered. She has been my daughter since the day I started forcing Colin to update me on everything she does. I wanted to know her even if she wasn't ready to know me. I'm not her mother though, not yet. She called me Mama so why do I feel rejected.

Coming to my senses, I looked up at the sound of voices in front of me. I couldn't hear what Colin was saying, my mind blocking him out, but I saw a bag held out to me and could hear the faint sound of Carter's MiMi telling me to go so they could talk. Telling me to take care of her and to send updates.

Nodding my head, I felt stuck in place, unable to move to leave. A soft hand on my face finally drawing me from the ongoing battle in my head.

Looking into her big, green eyes, I felt all my previous focus shifted back to this moment. Rubbing her back softly, I watched as she took her time voicing her concerns.

'Go?', her whisper seemed to stop time. No one expected her to talk so soon. Of the hundreds of times MiMi had told me of, talking practically the same day as a breakdown was seemingly impossible. Yet here she was, my little brave girl, doing just that.

'You ready to go, now?', I asked her gently.

She nodded her head, slowly, 'Please go.'

'Ok, baby, we're going.' I assured her, feeling as if whatever was holding me back had disappeared.

I stepped back, taking the bag from MiMi's hand as I turned walking us to the car. I could feel Colin following behind me but everything seemed to be muffled again since Carter wasn't talking. I wondered if this is how she felt sometimes. Like she wasn't in control of what was going on. As if she were living in third person to the world around her.

Opening the back door, I set her bag on the floor beneath her seat. Rubbing her back one more time, I tried to put her in her seat, key word being tried. She didn't say anything, didn't even make a sound, but she held on tighter the more I tried.