𝚂𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 [𝚐.𝚒 𝚟𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚡 𝚐𝚗!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛]

XLV

You sat on the floor of the inn, muscles loose from yoga poses and in the line of the sun rays so the warmth hit your back just right. You took a breath and focused on the book in front of you. You moved your legs into the full-lotus position, each foot sole up on the opposite thigh as instructed. You shifted mindlessly on the pillow you sat on, trying to get comfortable in the awkward position. You held your hands in front of you, cupped and palms upward, and relaxed every muscle you could. Consciously unclenching your jaw and letting go of the tenseness in your shoulders while keeping good posture wasn't the easiest but you did the best you could. You knew it would get better with time.

When you thought your body had been sufficiently relaxed, you looked down at the book once more. Multiple descriptions of how to focus, to let go of physical discomfort, strong emotions, noise, etc. You decided to pick the easiest one.

You shifted once more to try and rid yourself of the last of your restless energy, before finally settling down. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. Following one of the descriptions, you focused on your head, smoothing out the furrow of your brows, letting your lips fall open slightly as you breathed. You moved down to thinking about your shoulders, lowering them, releasing the tension of your arms. You kept going lower, unclenching your fingers, softening your abs, untensing your thighs, but your scalp began to itch, and pinpricks sparked all over your face and neck and chest, inviting you to scratch and move.

You groaned and took another breath, repositioning yourself, trying to remain concentrated. You tried another technique. Imagining yourself as hollow, you thought of each individual organ within you and how it was functioning and moving. You thought of your stomach and liver and pancreas, all fading to dust. Your heart and lungs, every muscle shriveling and falling away. I'm not looking within my body. You tried to think. I'm looking within my mind, trying to find the barrier of my mind, trying to connect with it.

But even the cliche words couldn't stop the incessant need to wiggle your toes, clench the muscles in your thigh, or crack your knuckles. The tight posture of your back was beginning to grow uncomfortable, and an ache was appearing in your bent ankles and knees.

When it became clear you wouldn't be able to refocus on your breathing, you groaned in frustration and flopped back on the floor. "Damnit!" Your fingers curled in your hair and pulled, trying to calm some of that restless energy within you by restoring feeling to your previously numbing body. "How the fuck am I supposed to do this when I can't even sit still for five fucking minutes?"

Traitorous tears heated the corner of your eyes, the pure frustration at failing to do something so ridiculously simple angering you. You dug the heels of your palms into your eyes to stop the tears from flowing.

You don't know how long you laid there, hands covering your eyes and nails digging into your hairline, but you snapped out of it when you heard the door of the inn room open and shut. Sitting up properly you saw Ariel standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

"Why are you on the floor?" He said easily, voice light and calm, a welcome balm to your swirling emotions.

"Well," You started, your voice more choked up than you realized. "Aether's out gathering plants or something and you went out for a fly, so I figured I'd try this meditation stuff."

"Not going well, I assume?" He moved to sit in front of you, legs crossed and dark eyes soft. His clothes fluttered around him as he sat, not gathering any of the stray dust or dirt on the floor.

"Is it that fucking obvious?" You snapped. Ariel only stared, giving no reaction to your harsh words and you felt a sense of sudden embarrassment creep over you. "'m sorry. I shouldn't be mean. I'm... I'm frustrated and ashamed... I think."