Hasta la muerte | Pablo Gavi

25. Mistakes

❤︎

Diego's P.O.V.

1 year later.

MISTAKE.
/məˈstāk/

noun
         -an action or judgement that is misguided or wrong.

verb
        -be wrong about.

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"The Mexican messi."

"Factor Lainez."

"One of Europes biggest flop."

"Waisted talent."

"Mistake."

"Biggest lie ever in Mexican football."

"Jupiter was supposed to be a star, but failed."

Sure i've been called all of those nicknames. At first it bothered me and brought me sadness knowing everyone thought of me like that. Even worse knowing that I returned back to liga mx at such a young age but even though it hurts to say this, their all right. Or that's just the way I think about it. I was like the next mexican messi. I was called the Factor lainez, when everyone thought I was amazing and everyone believed in me. Then went I went to Betiz they started calling a flop. Their right. I did flop. I was wasted talent and I was one of the biggest lies in Mexican football. But the worst one of all, is the most right one.

I'm a mistake.

I already know I am. I was a mistake in football and a mistake in life. Not specifically a mistake in life, I just make too many mistakes. But the thing is, I know what i'm doing. It's not on accident, it's on purpose. So it's not a mistake anymore. I've already made many "mistakes." In the past. I know it's wrong but I can't stop. It's like an addiction. The mistakes i've made in the past though were actual mistakes, except for the last one. But the one i'm gonna make soon, it's not a mistake. It's an action that i'm gonna do, not really me, but with someone's help. The only reason i'm doing this is to be happy. I haven't been happy at all this past year. I know by doing this it's gonna hurt others. But who cares about the others? I certainly don't. I just care about one person. One person only.

I'd do anything to be with this person. So much, I just can't let them go. Even if it's wrong, i'm just addicted to their love. You know what too much  alcohol and drugs do to people? It makes them addicted. At first they just have some a few times, then something happens and they start drinking or consuming more, so much that when just 1 little thing or problem happens to them they start drinking or consuming over and over again. Eventually they start doing that each day to the point they get an addiction. They can't stop. Sometimes they try to but they just can't. That's my situation, but instead of drugs or alcohol, it's a person. I'm to addicted to their love. To addicted to them in general. I just need to have them with me again. I'm not really like this, but people can change your point of view on so many things. This person changed my whole entire point of view on love. Love is a special thing. You don't feel love with just some random person or with everyone. There's specifically one person that you love. They can change and over time it could be someone new. But for me, it's still the same person.

Some times attachments can be bad. You get to attach and then one second later, something happens and you have to let go. Sometimes it's to hard to let go as you have been used to that "something." for too long. I've been too used to the same persons love. I didn't know it was love at first, I was blind. I thought it was kindness. An action of gratitude. But it wasn't. I finally noticed what it was and it was love. Something I hadn't have before. I tried to experience love, but it wasn't with the right person. That's also another thing. Love only works with the right people. If you have love for  someone that isn't right, many things can happen. You can get hurt, you can get sad, mad, angry, happy. All the emotions, you can experience all those emotions with your true love too but you always go back to them. With the wrong person it can lead to them leaving. If you love someone so truly, you wont be able to let them go. That's the thing with me. I'm so sure I loved the right person, but they didn't. I keep trying to go back to them, but they've moved on. I'm stuck and confused. Should I accept my fate and leave the on I believe is my true love? Or should I do something and try to make them come back?