burn. mark sloan

32

3.16
drowning on dry land

I walked into the hospital and slowly made my way to the pit. I need to get my forehead stitched up from that box falling on my head. The blood has made its way all the way down to my shoulder and bleed through my scrub. As I walked in the hallway I was still humming twinkle twinkle little star trying to bottle up all my emotions from over the past twenty four hours. I was completely numb.

I was looking down at the white tiles when Mark Sloan came up to me with a confused look. "What happened Allen- uh Moore?" Mark asked as he put his hand on my chin and pushed my head up to look at him.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't save him. He died because of me." I sighed as I shook my head trying to avoid his sharp eye contact.

Mark didn't respond he just led me to the pit to get stitched up. One of my fellow interns stitched me up. They ran out of the Absorbable sutures so I have to come back in two weeks to get them out.

After I shower and change my scrubs. I get paged to trauma room 1 by a nurse and it said 911 Meredith. It was a bit dodgy but I went.

I rushed down to trauma room one and saw Alex, George, Cristina, and Izzie waiting at the door leading the to trauma rooms.

"What's going on?" I asked as I looked through the window and saw Mark and Derek sitting on the floor next to each other. That's weird, really fucking weird.

"Meredith drowned." George uttered as I saw that Derek's hair was wet. He must've saved her that's true love right there.

"Oh." I let out as I leaned against the wall opposite from them. This is bad, like horrible. Meredith better make it, she better pull through.

"She will come through this." Izzie told Cristina who looked like she was about ready to burst into tears.

"You don't know that." George replied not being very positive.

"She will come through this." Izzie repeated.

"People die." George told her and immediately I had a picture of Zach in my head. People die.

"I know people die. People die in front of us everyday. But I believe Meredith will survive this. I believe...I believe...I...I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of year and in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary we will all be ok. I believe a lot of things. I believe that...I believe that Denny is always with me. And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me the calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy. And I believe that you are a man who made a terrible mistake marrying Callie. And I believe that because I am your friend I can tell you this and we will be ok. I believe even though you made this mistake you will be ok. I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive." Izzie ranted but George needed to hear it. Izzie hugged Cristina as I watched Derek look up to the ceiling.

"Why did you do it?" Alex changed to subject to me probably trying to take our minds off of Mer for even just a moment.

"Do what?" I asked acting like I did know what he was asking but I did. He was asking why I lied about being Lucy Allen.

"Why did you lie about who you were?" Alex questioned as I noticed that everyone's eyes were now on me.

"I lied. I'm a liar. I lied about being Lucy Allen. I lied about being a natural blonde. I lied about having a beauty mark. I lied about how much money I have. I lied about my family. I lied about how Lauren only lives with me because she's my sister. But I didn't lie about being a 22 year old girl who graduated from Harvard med school. I didn't lie about the stuff I like and the stuff I hate. I didn't lie about anything else. I hate lying. I hate it so much. It was tearing me apart inside but I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want to be seen as a nepo child whose daddy is the reason she's here. I didn't want to be protected by a last name. I know I could've gone about this is so many different ways but I didn't and I'm sorry for that." I let out making eye contact with each of them in turn. George slowly walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"You're more than a nepo baby." George whispered as we hugged each other.

Addison left Meredith room to check on her Jane Doe and she took Alex and I to help.

"I'm Dr. Montgomery, you need this oxygen. I need you to lie back." Montgomery told the Jane Doe who was making these crying sounds. She was definitely a Jane Doe. Her face was...it was. I can't describe it but it wasn't a normal face. It was all busted, bruised, and swelling.

"No. No. I'm not supposed to be here." The Jane Doe cried as she looked up at me while I stood against the wall trying to not get in the way.

"This wasn't in your plan today I get that. But we're trying to take care of your baby. I need you to calm down." Addison put her hand on the Jane Doe's reddish brownish hair trying to calm her down while she continued to whimper.

"Just talk to my husband." Jane Doe looked over at Alex who she must think is her husband.

"This is Dr. Karev. That one is Dr. Moore. They're my interns." Dr. Montgomery let out while the Jane Doe continued to look at Alex. It's been under twenty four hours since everyone found out who I really was and they all already know to call me Dr. Moore. No one even asked if I wanted to be called that. They just handed me a new ID card and picked for me.

"What? You're not...?"

"You lost your ID. We don't know where your family is yet." Alex explained before she could finish her sentence.

"But I know you. You're my..." Jane Doe was completely convinced Alex was her husband.

"No, I found you...on the dock...after the accident." Alex informed her making her eyes tear up even more.

"What dock? What accident? What happened?" A totally clueless Jane Doe asked.

"You were on the ferry. You don't remember?" Addison questioned making the Jane Doe finally look away from Alex.

"No."

"What about your name?" Montgomery asked while the Jane Doe looked up the celling trying to recall her name.

"My name? I don't know my name. I should know my own name. I'm having a baby, I should know my name." Jane Doe cried as Addison continued to running her fingers through her hair and shush her.

After the Jane Doe calmed down Alex and I followed Addison outside of Jane Doe's room.

"She doesn't remember anything from before the accident. It could be head trauma. It could be psychological from the shock." Dr. Montgomery announced as I set down the chart on the counter.

"Retro grade amnesia, it could be just transient, right?" I asked.

"Well, that's the hope. I'm worried about her lungs too. Get a chest x-ray and an ABG." Addison told Alex and I then walked away probably to go back to helping Mer.

"Ok." Alex and I said at the same time as we went back in to get the Jane Doe to get her scans.

1322 words
"are we still friends?"