Blood in the Water | 18+

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘚𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯

𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

My thumb pressed into my sternum, trying to quell the ache inside.

"Put more men on Natasha's," I wheezed out, my breath short as I leaned against the counter. This hurt more than a bullet wound, watching her leave me. I ruined what could've been, I know that, but she's not supposed to stay here, she never was, I was supposed to let her go soon after I took her. But I became obsessed, I loved seeing the world through her eyes, the purity of it all, I loved to see the smiles when she experienced something for the first time. "Bucky, I said-"

"I heard you," Bucky tossed my inhaler in front of me and I glared at the stupid medical device. I haven't needed it in years, yet Bucky always seemed to have it on him. "Take a puff, and sit the fuck down before you pass out."

"I don't take orders from you."

I looked up to see Bucky's jaw clenched, "I've dealt with a lot of shit you've caused today, I found her outside alone because you tried to control her once again," Bucky slammed a barstool into the back of my knees, making them give out and forcing me to sit down, "You don't take orders from me? Fine, fucking pass out, I don't care tonight, but if you're going to be a fucking dick, be one to yourself." For the first time in years, I felt shame, I humiliated Aurora or tried to, but she always seemed to hold her ground with me, I couldn't focus on that thought for too long when a wheeze left my mouth again, and with a shakey hand I reached for my inhaler, taking a long puff and feeling my lungs clear up. Bucky stood across the kitchen from me, his arms crossed and I sighed, knowing I was about to be lectured.

"Go ahead."

Bucky let out a disbelieving scoff, "You know, I always fucking believed there was a part of you that still held kindness, hell I saw it earlier today when you held Aurora on your lap asleep," Her name felt like a bullet, piercing my skin and ripping me apart, "But right now, I don't see a best friend, I don't see a kid I grew up with, I see the monster you always claim to be but never fucking was. Does it make you feel good? To accomplish that? Was it worth it to watch her cry? Tell me, Steve, are you proud of what you did?"

"I did it to keep her safe." I didn't even believe the words coming out of my mouth.

Bucky let out a dry laugh and I actually flinched at my best friend's cold tone towards me. I deserved it. "God you sound just like Angelo, neither of you bothered to see what Aurora wanted, you made the fucking decisions for her, she expects it from Angelo, but you Steve," I sighed, resting my head against the cold marble counter, I felt like shit, "You've spent weeks showing her that she has a voice, you've spent weeks growing her confidence, and within seconds you tore her right back down. The only reason her voice is heard is because you amplify it? Maybe you should look in the mirror Steve, because no one respected you until they saw you interact with her, because she made you human."

I let out another wheeze, but this time it was because I was crying, and I couldn't remember the last time that happened, maybe when my mother died. But Bucky knew how to throw damaging blows, and while I deserved it, I needed to breathe, but with each cry, I couldn't get more air into my lungs. I was burning, inside and out. "So really, ask yourself, Steve, are you acting like a dick to protect her? Or because you're scared of how she makes you feel?" Bucky asked and I let out a stuttered breath. I regretted the words that left my mouth as soon as I spewed them to Aurora, it was anger and fear mixing together and I couldn't get either under control. So I went to lash out, it was the only way I could get myself under control.

But lashing out made me lose the only girl I've truly cared about.

"I'm waiting."

I looked up at Bucky, and whatever he saw made his face crumble, "I've never been scared before," I whispered, running my thumb against that Aurora Borealis tattoo that I got years ago for her, "But, I guess I am, no, I know I am terrified, seeing her being shot at terrified me, seeing her hold herself together, seeing that stupid fucking brand Angelo put on her, I hate how it made me feel, I hate that I have a weakness, and I hate that I'm the one who broke her heart after warming it up," I snapped, pressing my fists into my eyes, "I know what I did, I know why I did, and I understand why Angelo lies to himself because it's so much easier than admitting you hurt that precious woman," I stood up, exhausted and needing space, "Put more men on Natasha's apartment, I won't say it again."