...

i fight battles in my head, 
the battles that go unnoticed and ignored,
the battles that are kept hidden as some sort of treasure though all it is,
is mere pain and suffering for none but me.
the pendulum of the war oscillates between what makes sense and what doesn't,
rather than what's right and what isn't.

i fight battles in my head,
with stars,
and everything celestial i might never see up close in this petite and fragile life.

maybe it's all in my head or maybe,
im just crazy,
but it just feels right to be able to witness the destruction and see my own helpless state.
it's satisfactory, and each time i realise that i have become a sadist for myself.
i can't see one in pain but looking at myself as i absolutely get devoured by the destructive auras of the star dusts,
i feel nothing but pleasure.

and it's horrific, absolutely gut wrenching that i put myself through this,
cause i don't but i have grown so attached to it, to my own mental disorders,
that i can't help but feel complete only when they bother me.