RED | Bellamy Blake

Natblida

I sit with my back to the cave wall, watching Bellamy. Deja vu hits me as I remember Charlotte and our stay in the cave. I remember Atom, Wells, Elliot, Finn and now Miloch. 

Ice coats my veins as Bellamy and I hold each other's gazes. He doesn't attempt to say anything, even though we're alone in the cave, the others having left to convene about Arkadia and their plan of attack. 

I asked to only be included when Pike's head needed to be caved in. 

My mouth moves before I can think. "Did you love Gina?" I ask, my eyes downcasted to look at my hand drawing circles in the dirt. 

If Bellamy is shocked by my voice, he doesn't show it. Instead his lips press together in thought. "I don't think so." He murmurs, his battered and bloody face scrunched up in thought. "She loved me, I think." He sighs. "All I could think about when I was with her," I slowly look up to meet his gaze. "Was you." 

I clench my jaw and look away. "Yeah, well, what good that did." I practically scoff. "Miloch taught me everything I know," I begin, my bottom lip threatening to quiver and betray my emotions. "And you and Pike just go and throw it all away." My voice breaks. 

"I am so sorry, Hailey." His voice shakes. "I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you and the people you've lost." 

"I've lost everyone close to me and I thought, maybe just for a second that I'd be able to be with someone that understood me." I say, my thoughts trailing to Clarke. "But I don't even think I deserve her." I mutter. 

"Her?" He asks, confused. "Clarke?" His eyebrows furrow. "Didn't know you swung like that, Hails." He brings himself to half chuckle and for a second I'm back on the dropship with him and everything was relatively okay. 

"I don't really think you know me at all anymore, Bell." I let his old nickname slip. 

A minute or two of silence passes between us before I remember the night before and its events with Orla's serum. 

"I'm going to tell you something and I'm going to trust you." I say, standing and walking over to him. I sit down next to him as I say, "Can I trust you?" I ask. "Don't just say yes, think." 

He stares at me, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine. "Yes, you can trust me." He breathes out. 

"Okay." I mutter before reaching into my belt and pulling out a knife. 

"What are you..." He trails off as I bring the knife to my palm. "Hailey, don't!" He tries to stop me but I drag the blade across my hand, making black blood bubble to the surface. "What the hell?" His head tilts and he brings his chained hands to grab my palm. "Your blood is black." 

"Yes, it is." I say, pulling back my hand and wrapping it up. "Orla gave me a vial and said to drink it in emergencies, and I didn't want to lose it or break it, so I drank it last night." I sigh, bringing my eyes back up to his. 

"If word gets out you're a natblida, people will hunt you down." Bellamy warns me. 

"I know." I say, getting back up and sitting back on the wall opposite of him. "I can protect myself, Miloch saw to that." 

"No, you saw to that." He corrects. "He may have been the teacher, but you rose above everyone in the camp," He watches me for a moment to make sure he didn't upset me. "You took all of our faults and mistakes on your shoulders. You bore that responsibility, not Clarke or me. You did." He swallows. "Even without Miloch, you would have gotten here just fine, maybe it would have taken longer, but you are a natural born warrior and a leader and you have something rare." 

With furrowed brows, I ask, "What?" 

"You still have your humanity." 

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