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jisung➸
i watched a customer walk in with their hood on. they rushed to the kittens and started playing with the little furballs. then i saw them get up and approach the counter, very slowly at that. i really didn't know why i chose a profession that required interactions with strangers on the daily.
once they actually got to the counter, they tugged down their hood. "jisung?" she exclaimed, her dark brown hair in a tangled mess, that she was subconsciously trying to smooth out. "y..you?" i frowned, realizing that i still didn't know her name.
she smiled, unexpectedly. "so this is where you work? that's really nice" she looked around the place. "so i was wondering, what's this one's name? the tag is worn out" she lifted the kitten in her hands to give it to me. "well, these cats are all rescues, and this kitten, a girl if you're wondering, was brought in yesterday, she doesn't have a name yet" she stared at the kitten inquisitively.
"you could name her if you want" i offered, trying to break the silence. anything to see her smile. she glanced at me again, and grinned. "i'll think about it, maybe you could help" she trailed off. "when does your shift end?" the question shocked me, was she suggesting that we hang out after my shift. i'd be grateful. "9:30, why?"
"um..i guess if you wanted to, we could decide on a name for the cat" she seemed distracted by the kitten playing with her at that moment. "sure, it's 9 now, so you have to stay here for some more time, would you like some coffee?"
"one flat white mocha please"
"name to go?" i said, hoping she'd reveal it by now.
"i'm literally the only person in this cafe right now"
"i'm sorry ma'am it's policy" i smiled teasingly and leaned over the counter.
she backed away. "oh! i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable" i quickly looked away, in sheer embarrassment. why do i always fuck everything up? she isn't my friend. i can't do stuff like that.
"no, no nothing like that, i'll just" she didn't finish her sentence as she hurriedly escaped to the mound of cushions.
....
it was 9:31. i had awkwardly served her drink and ran back to the counter just a few minutes ago. i wasn't sure if our makeshift plan was still in place. "hey so, my shift is over" i spoke to her carefully, while taking off my apron. "ok, where do you wanna go?" she was still struggling to bid farewell to her newfound animal friends.
"i thought you knew" i laughed nervously. we were standing right outside the cafe now, the kitten in her arms. "let's just sit and talk i guess?" we walked in silence, following the path of the pavement. after we found a bench to relax on, we stopped.
the kitten was asleep in her arms. i watched her gently place the kitten onto the rightmost spot of the bench, before sitting down next to her. "so, why won't you tell me your name?"
"the cat from coraline once said, you people have names, that's because you don't know who you are." she paused and stroked the cat. "do you read?" she had a distant expression on her face. "not really." i felt a bit embarrassed, the line she had quoted really got me thinking.
"but i agree with the cat." i presented a cheesy smile. she looked at me suddenly and lightly laughed, "why's that?" she tilted her head adorably. "a name, it's just a label right? it just confines you to a data point, at least practically, and there are so many people with similar names, we're all just repetitions of designations."
she centred her attention to a crack on the sidewalk. "and that makes us so insignificant. but maybe names are just a false sense of individuality. don't you want the reassurance of knowing that you are someone? because that is who you believe you are. but the 'who are you?' question is so broad, perhaps just defining all your talent and imperfections is simmered down to a collection of sounds we make from our mouth to refer to someone."
she looked lost in her thoughts. "or maybe we're just overthinking it, we are songwriters you know?" i joked, to lift the heavy atmosphere. she loosened up and chuckled. "and you still haven't told me your name!" i exclaimed, though of course, i wasn't offended like that.
"speaking of names and cats, we haven't named the kitten." she knelt on the ground, off the bench, so i could get a better look at the feline sleeping next to her. "what about 'bam' like the night? she's got dark fur." she observed the kitten. "i mean, the first time you visited a cat cafe, was after nightfall. yeah, let's call her that".
she sat up again. there was less of a gap between us than half an hour ago. no one said a word. was this a comfortable silence? what was i supposed to do? the last time i was out at night with a girl..i can't think about that right now. "so.." she spoke up.
"you know..i'd love to listen to some of your songs, you seem to have an insightful way of thinking." she straightened her back and leaned forward, her hands between her legs. i wrapped my arms around my torso and sunk deeper into the bench. "no need, i'm really not worth that."
she shifted closer to me, unexpectedly. "i know you're worth that." i can't write, i'm a talentless fake. "i've been having a writer's block, nothing really sounds good." her eyes brightened. "i could try to help! i mean, even i can't bring myself to write something down, but maybe, if we worked together.." she puffed out her cheeks and her eyes lost focus on me.
