Chapter 6: Caught

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I ended up falling asleep before 3 last night, but most of the night I just had my eyes closed. I wondered why I would something like that. What scared me about it was how real it felt. I honestly thought I was living that moment. Thats when it hit me; I couldn't let it get down to that. It was currently 5:30 in the morning. I rose up out of bed and went to my desk. I looked to my right to see where I hung Chris's chain and note, then I looked to my left where all of my pictures were; them being mostly me and Matt. The only person who knew how to help me was my dad. I then realized that my dad didn't leave for work until 6. I quickly ran downstairs to see him standing on the back porch. I reach the door and pull it open to which my dad jumped putting his hand over his heart. "Geezz kid you scared me" he said as he turned back around laughing "sorry" I said as I stood next to him. "You ok" he asked as I huffed and looked over at him "I like Chris dad - and Matt" "darling you got yourself in a hole" my dad said as he took a sip of his coffee to which he offered me a sip. I quickly take his cup getting a sip before licking my top lip and giving it back to him. "You can't like both, its either one or the other" he said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You just don't want to hurt them" he said as he finished his coffee looking at the sun rise "it's beautiful isn't it" my dad said as I looked up "It is" "Your mom makes it beautiful " he said with a smile as he pulled me into a hug "it's only a matter of time before you find someone who can make it beautiful" he said as he let me go heading inside. I took a seat on the patio chair looking up at the sky; as I take it all in, I started to talk "ohh mom, I miss you so much, you were right, I like them. Both! I just wish I knew what to do about it." I said as I look up at the sky. " I just wish you were here" I said as I continued to look at the sky. I started to think about my dream. What did it mean? I started to think about what Matt said. How hurt he was. I started to think I love Chris and Matt so much, but I can't keep going like this. My dad is right, its either one or the other. As bad as it sounds, I always thought Matt was the one I wanted but right before they left Chris hugged me real tight and I'll never forget what he told me "You'll be in my mind shorty." I smiled as I thought back at that moment; how tiny and intimate it was but how sweet it was. I walked out of the airport that day thinking that Chris was the one but then that night Matt texted me saying that he landed, and he thought of me the whole entire flight to LA. I sat on me with a smile as I read the message. I sat there as I finally came the realization that it would never be a one-on-one pick, because they were both too good for this world. As I looked at the sky, I realized that I'm caught in between them both, I don't know what I'm going to do about it. All I can say is, I'm not sure if I can handle being around them.

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