A List Of Our Firsts

30 and 31

Honestly, it was probably going to happen eventually. Every parent's deepest and most horrifying fear was that their little ones would walk in on them in the act.

They'd taken the precautions as normal. They'd closed the door, bubbled and crawled all over each other with giggly manic delight.

Steven pushed his way into her ass and she moaned a breathless, "Finally-y, some time to ourselves."

As if summoned by that statement alone, Comet opened the door to ask for milk apparently and stared wide eyed at his parents before retreating to ask his sisters instead.

"Oh my god, Steven you forgot to lock the door!" Connie groaned. "Dammit, now we have to go explain it."

"Ah, he's probably fine. One round."

So they'd finished and cleaned up, then tried to act normally.

"Daddy, why were you on top of Mommy?" Their quietest child had sadly decided to use his angelic voice to ask, and if he were perhaps older their faces would've said it all.

Steven dropped the spoon he was mixing pasta in and avoided eye contact while at least trying to look in his direction. "W-well... uh... Daddy was just... giving Mommy CPR." Connie barked out a laugh and he grimaced as Comet asked why. "Uh... because she was... well, she was sl-sleeping and needed some help to... breathe and–,"

"We were making you a sibling, Comet," Connie finished deadpanly.

"Anal is not how you do that," Steven whispered to her as his blush deepened.

Connie tossed him a sharp look. "Steven!"

Comet looked to his mother and nodded. "Okay! I want a brother!" Comet scurried off.

"You're a terrible liar, Steven," Connie told him with a chuckle. "Short and sweet, plain and simple. The more you lie, the more it bites you in your ass later. Hence no Santa Claus."

Of course, the next day at Headstart pick up, it bit them in the ass anyways as his teacher Stacey followed him out with a huge grin. "He was so chatty today! Congrats, Connie!"

She frowned. "For what?"

"Well, Comet here told me he's getting a brother!"

Both parents turned to look down at their kid, grinning from ear to ear in excitement.

It was all they could do to not laugh or die of humiliation as they scrambled for a lie since she was most certainly not pregnant again. Probably.

Stacey took in their faces and put a hand over her heart in sympathy. "Oh stars. It happens. Try having a 16 year old walk in asking about dinner."

"I really rather wouldn't," Steven said miserably, picking up Comet. "Hey kiddo. How was your day?"

Comet shrugged. "Good."

As they drove home Comet fell asleep and Steven glanced over at Connie. "Is this chatty enough for you? Are you happy now?"

She chuffed and tossed him a death stare. "Not funny. I almost died right then and there. My soul was not going up."

He giggled and she joined, happy their sanity was still intact after Comets bout of blabbering. "You wanna try?"

She gave him a coy smile. "I swear, you like being a stay at home dad way too much."

"I miss when they were babies," He whined. "I miss holding them in the crook of my arm and singing and watching their fat little faces grin up at me! Now they just wanna wrestle and run around and I never get cuddles anymore!"

She sighed happily. "Well, I suppose it has been a few years. I wouldn't object to one more."

"Just one?"

"My God Steven! I cannot be knocked up all the time!" She shouted.

Steven shushed her, half for the sleeping toddler– no– he was technically out of that now, and half to shut her up. "Didn't I tell you after Dark Desires that you'd be knocked up constantly?"

"No." She rolled her eyes over a smile. "I thought we weren't breaking the fourth walls anymore? Too meta."

He shrugged. "Ah that's all bullshit anyways."

"Daddy, what's bullshit?"

Both of them groaned. Parenthood was relentless.