More than friends-fluff,smut,and angst jake x johnnie fanfic.-

More than fuck buddies(angst)

Tw for self harm!!
Angst
Johnnies pov
All me and jake have ever done is have sex,i want more than his dick. I want him. I want to be his boyfriend,his soulmate. I feel like he dosent share those feelings back to me. I started to cry a little at the thought of the fact im still just jakes best friend when I received a text from tara.
tara-hey johnnie?
Johnnie-yea
Tara-will you come with me to a party later? Sam colby kris and celina are gonna be there.
Johnnie-maybe,im not feeling the best right now.
Tara-are you okay? Should i come over?
Johnnie-no,ill be alright.
I wont be alright. I stare into my closet where my old cutting box is. I cant cut,im atleast a year clean. All my scars are healed and jake knows that,but i want to remember the pain. I want to remember how good it felt to cut deeper and deeper. I shake my head,hoping to rid of the thoughts but they dont go away. I decide to get out so its not so on my mind. "Jake?" I say knocking on his door,i hear him grunting and moaning and i already know hes gonna ask me for help so i leave him alone. Im so tired of being jakes live fleshlight..i wish he saw me as more than just a sex toy. I wish he saw me as his crush,he boyfriend,the man he wanted to be with,the man he could just cuddle and not end up having sex. These thoughts made me cry again so i started to text tara

Johnnie-tara?
Tara-yeah johnnie?
Johnnie-i dont think im gonna go.
Tara-thats alright,you can come whenever you want,their gonna be here all week.
I shut off my phone when i hear jake grabbing his car keys,i walk out my room. "Where are you going?" "Taras,she said everybodys gonna be there,you ready?" "Oh um im not going." "Why?" "I just dont feel good right now,i feel kinda sick." I lied. "Oh okay.. ill pick up some medicine on my way back for you then." "Mkay." I waved by as he shut the door,i peered out the window watching the car pull out the driveway and disappear. I cried deeply running to the closet and pulled out the brown box that held my past. I stared at my arms,then the blades,the the blades,then the blood on my arms. I started screaming,it stung so bad. I couldnt stop going deeper though,it always felt like it was never enough. I quickly realized what i did and quickly grabbed gauze from the cabinet,wrapping my arm around the multiple cuts. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god.." i start crying. After a few hours the pain goes down,it still hurts but not as bad. I hear jake come into the house and i quickly put on a long sleeve. "H-how was it?" I asked,my voice raspy from the crying and silence. "It was fun,colby fell into the pool" jake said with a chuckle to himself "i got you medicine,they recommended pain pills because flue seasons pretty bad this year." I take the pain pills from jake. "Oh uhm thanks." My voice is dull and jake clearly notices "you okay?" He grabs my arms and pulls me down to the couch "OW..! fuck.." jake looks confused before a look of shock and sadness fill his eyes. "Johnnie? Let me see your arms" "no." "Let me see your arms johnnie." I reluctantly show jake my arms,tears prickle his eyes but he dosent cry. Instead he just kind of stares at my bandaged arms. "Did you cut your thighs?" "What?" "Did you cut your thighs?" "No." "Show me." I show him my thighs,all thats there are traces of scars from years ago. "Good" he murmured to himself. "Whyd you do this johnnie?" "Because.. i- because.." i couldnt find the words to tell him he was the reason. "Because.." "because why johnnie.." "because you only see me as your human fleshlight! You only cuddle me after sex,you only kiss me during sex,i look at you and your looking at tara.." "johnnie i dont see you that way! I see you as so much more than just a fleshlight. I see you as my best friend,probably more than that,i see you as my crush." Jake says nervously "so why not tell me that then.." i say with a sad expression "i was scared..scared you only wanted me for the sex aswell. Scared that i would ruin what we have. I stare at tara because i still miss her sometimes but my eyes are fixated on you when your not looking." I stood silently for a while before walking to my room in silence,i grabbed the cutting box,jake looked nervous,until he watched me throw the box out. He sighed out of relief. "Im so proud of you johnnie." "Jake?" "Mhm?"

"What are we ?" Jake looked lost before he answered "a couple. But only of you want to be.." "i do." I say with a small smile. Jake pulls me into a tight hug,making sure to not hit or grab my wrists again.

"I love you johnnie."