Reconciling the Hotchners | 2

21. Deep down

Y/N
Hospital beds are the worst. They're so uncomfortable and very difficult to get comfortable on. It didn't help that you were connected to monitors and other devices that would beep every few hours to make sure you were still alive. So, in between nurses waking you up at 4 AM because they want to give you medication, to the lack of comfort, you hadn't slept much. It didn't help that Aaron refused to leave you alone, so he was checking to make sure you were okay every time the nurses woke you from your sleep.

Every time Aaron asked "are you okay?", you nodded your head and said yes. Why? Because it would shut him up.

Deep down, you weren't fine. You were far from fine. How could you be fine when you were stuck in a hospital bed with so many wounds, as well as a large stitched up wound on your leg?

When Aaron wasn't looking, you pulled back the blanket away from your legs and exhaled at the sight. Just below your left knee was a giant line of stitches, where someone must've made a deep wound. How deep? You had no idea. No one, no doctor, no nurse, not even Aaron, had told you how you ended up in the hospital.

What? Did they think you were going to freak out? Did they think you were going to burst into tears just thinking about whatever had happened to you? Judging by the healed bullet wound on the side of your stomach, and the healed bullet wound on your shoulder, plus the various other scars, you figured that your current injury wouldn't have been the first injury to put you in hospital.

All you wanted to know was how. How did you end up with over 20 recent wounds and a giant stitched up wound? What did you do to earn a huge scar in the future?

Over the past few weeks, you met a group of people. They told you their names and how you knew them.

Trying to remember their names and how you knew them was difficult, especially with the constant pain you were feeling with the small wounds and the big wound.

While Aaron went to get some lunch for you (because you complained about how much hospital food sucked), you closed your eyes and recounted every name you had been told over the past few weeks.

Aaron and Penelope were easy. Aaron was your husband, and Penelope was your friend and colleague.

Jack was Aaron's son from a pervious marriage. Avery was yours and Aaron's daughter (Jack's younger paternal half sister). Toby was yours and Aaron's son (Jack's baby paternal half brother).

Jessica was Aaron's ex-sister-in-law, and an aunt to Jack, Avery and Toby.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Matt Simmons, David Rossi, Luke Alvez, Tara Lewis and Spencer Reid were friends of yours and colleagues.

Emily Prentiss was a friend of yours and your boss.

Derek Morgan was a friend of yours and a former colleague.

For the first time since you woke up, you remembered a good chunk of information, although, you tried once again to keep that list of names and connections fresh in your mind, but you forgot certain names.

———

Aaron walked into the room with some food, which was great, because you were starving. Anything would be better than having to think about the pain radiating from your leg throughout your body.

"How you feeling?" Aaron set some food down on the moveable bench in front of me.

"Fucking horrible." You didn't mean to swear, but it was the truth.

"Why didn't you say something sooner? I could've gotten the nurse to give you something." Aaron furrowed his eyebrows.

"You ask me the same question every damn day. You ask me when the nurse wakes me up at 4 AM. You ask me when I wake up again at 10 AM, and then again when the nurse gives me more medication. I kept giving you the same answer because it kept you happy. It kept you quiet. But I can't keep lying to you or myself anymore. The first week after waking up, I couldn't feel the bottom half of my leg. I worried after every nightmare that maybe I had lost the bottom half of my leg. But then, I started regaining feeling there and that's when the pain came. Deep down, I'm in constant pain, Aaron. If it's not the dozens of wounds on my back and upper torso, it's my leg, and vice-versa. And sometimes it's both. It doesn't help that the hospital bed I'm currently resting on is so uncomfortable. So not only am I dealing with so much pain, but I haven't had a good night's sleep in God-knows how long." You blurted out, watching Aaron's face drop at your revelation.

"I'm...so sorry, Y/N. If I had known-" He started.

"What would you have done, Aaron?" You questioned, earning silence from him.

"Seriously Aaron, what would you have done? You can't heal me. You can't take away my pain. You can't help me bypass months of physical therapy - yes, I know about that. You're not exactly quiet when you talk to...what's her name...Emily?" You almost forgot her name, but remembered it as you were talking.

"I don't even know how I ended up here. I have dozens of wounds on my body and a massive wound just below my knee on my left leg, but no fucking clue how or why. Nobody is telling me anything." You exhaled.

"Y/N...I know this is all very frustrating, but you have- you have amnesia. No one is purposefully withholding information from you. We just, we don't want to overwhelm you. Your memories will most likely come back on their own, which means you'll eventually remember what happened and why you're here in the hospital." Aaron explained.

"I don't want to find out eventually. I want someone to be honest with me. I'm an adult. I deserve to know how and why I ended up here, regardless of my apparent memory loss." You rolled your eyes.

"Fine. You're right. You do deserve to know." Aaron nodded, taking a moment to breathe.

"The wounds all over your body, those were from being tortured. The giant wound on your leg, that's where someone tried to...uh, dismember you. It was lucky that our friends found you in time." Aaron was clearly uncomfortable with telling you this information. He clearly hadn't yet come to terms with what happened to you, even though it must've happened weeks ago.

"Do...do you know why?" You bit your lip, fighting off the tears that threatened to escape.

"Not fully. That question can be answered by Emily...at a later time." Aaron shook his head, also fighting back tears.

"Alright." You nodded, happy with the current amount of information you had.

"Eat your food, before it gets cold." Aaron warned, trying - but failing - to lighten the mood.