Reconciling the Hotchners | 2

26. A letter to Aaron

Aaron had just gotten home from going some shopping when he saw a letter with his name on it resting against the vase in the kitchen.

Whether or not Y/N had read his letter, Aaron didn't know. He took the letter up to his study and sat down, making sure the door was closed before he opened it up.

Dear Aaron,

I'm sorry.

In the midst of our break, I have come to realise just how hard you are working to keep our family from completely falling apart. You're the parent making sure that Jack and Avery get to and from school safely. You're the parent keeping Toby entertained from early in the morning to late at night.

And me? I've simply left them for you to deal with them. Sure, they stayed with me a few nights over the past months, but if it weren't for you...everything would've fallen apart. And for that, I thank you.

I should've realised sooner that you must've been feeling like Haley had before you two divorced. You're taking care of three kids, not just one, while I travel all over the country, being at the office at all hours of the day.

Because of my job, I've missed birthdays, anniversaries and other important events. I guess, I know that I should've tried harder to be there for you and our kids.

I had a nightmare a couple months ago. Jack was graduating and hours before the ceremony, I was called away on a case. I called Jack to tell him and his last words to me before the nightmare ended were "I hate you! It's always about work! We never see you anymore and it's all your fault".

I always hoped that a case didn't come up, just so I could spend a day - or a few - with you and our kids. I always spent the flights to and from our cases, and the nights in between investigations wishing that I was at home, enjoying a board game with you and Jack, or some cuddles with Toby, or a princess movie with Avery. Not a day went by where I wasn't actively trying to get the case solved quickly so I could be home with you and our kids sooner.

I only wished that you had voiced your feelings sooner. You kept your feelings hidden for just over a year and in the middle of an argument, you sprung them on me. If you had just told me sooner, we could've avoided everything and had a normal conversation.

I think it's about time that we had an honest conversation. No judgement. No anger. Just a calm conversation about what we want for our future.

Once our final session with Dr. Samson has ended, I want to talk. I want to at least hear what she has to suggest regarding our issues, before we delve into the details of our marriage and future.

- Y/N, xx

Aaron leaned back in his chair, eyeing the letter now sitting on his desk. He was glad that he and Y/N had subconsciously come to an agreement.

Re-reading the entire letter again, Aaron couldn't wait until the last appointment. He wanted so desperately for everything to be done, for his and Y/N's issues to be resolved. The sooner the appointment was over, the sooner he'd have the love of his life back in his arms without anger or judgement. Their kids would finally get to see their mother all the time again.

Aaron could tell that Y/N's absence was affecting Avery, Jack and Toby. Jack missed the nightly hugs that the (now) 14-year-old shared with Y/N. Avery missed the bedtime stories that Y/N would tell in all sorts of entertaining voices. Toby wasn't sleeping as well as he was, clearly missing the comfort that only his mother knew how to give him.

While Aaron and Y/N were on a break, Jack spent half of his 14th birthday with Aaron at the movies, and the other half of it with Y/N, Penelope, JJ, Henry and Michael at the local arcade. Aaron wished that Jack would've gotten to spend his birthday with both of his parents, but his issues with Y/N got in the way and he knew that - at the time - being close to Y/N would've sparked an argument, and he didn't want Jack's birthday to be ruined by arguments.

One thing Aaron had failed to realise is how hard it must've been for Y/N to continue leaving him and their children to travel the country. He had been so focused on his own anger that he didn't even notice the pained look on Y/N's face every time she got a call or text from Emily telling her to come in. Being told - even if through a letter - that Y/N had a nightmare about Jack hating her, he felt sick to his stomach, having not even realised that it was just as hard for her to constantly leave him and their kids, as it was to watch her leave every time.

Now he was starting to regret his words when he and Y/N first argued about her staying at the BAU.

"It's like you don't even care about coming home anymore."

He now understood that she did care, and she tried to come home as early as she could. But cases kept coming, and reports needed to get done before they piled up. He was just too stubborn to remember that escaping the daily grind of the BAU wasn't easy. He was now remembering the days when he had to schedule days off just to spend time with Jack - and Haley, before she died.

Now he felt like a jerk for insinuating that Y/N didn't care about him or their kids.