WANDER

just hold on

omniscient

sunday , may 6th

" I wanna have a cookout " toya said

" we shoulddd " her sister in-law co-signed

" ma you remember you use to have a cook out bout every weekend ?" ralph asked his ma

r'monei smiled as she had flashback , those were the good days .

the family plus others were at b's house , they did this thing were they would get together like 2x a week .

" so let's do it , monei and asia y'all can go to the store for me " my auntie said

" p n kado y'all can go to storage and get chairs and tables " she said

" oh you tryna do this today ?" p asked

" yea why not ? we can have it for the community " she said

-

r'monei hill

i was outside waiting on asia , i was kind of nervous we had barley had a conversation before and i was about to spend at least a hour with her.

i seen her coming out the door heading to the car .

i turned the radio on , she got in and i instantly pulled out the driveway .

" you know kado talked about you a lot in br " she said breaking the ice

" after mommy died , it only got worse .. he talked about you non stop everyday to himself ofc " she said

" he practically blamed himself for her death " she said

" wait , he was in br ?" i asked confused

" yea he came to br about 3 weeks after he left houston " we found out our mother was sick

she died about a month later and he struggled bad

he was on and off lean , i tried to help him but i was only 16 at the time .. what really could i have done for him .

he spent 6 months trying to get his life together and he did , he's at a good point in life and he brought us back here for you " she said

" you seem like a good girl , you're real pretty ." she said

" i see why he was so twisted about you " she said

everything she was telling me was making me feel bad , i was always mad at ky for leaving but little did ik he was battling bigger fish .

" he says your mad at him for ignoring you , and you should be but he was facing a lot " she said

" i want you to forgive him , i haven't really had the chance to meet you foreal but i can tell your a good person .. you seem like your good for my brother " she said

the fact that this 17 year older was breaking through to me and making me feel bad was saying a lot about me .

i didn't even say much i couldn't say much i was stunned , it had shocked me that kado had held all that in for 6 months .

she was hurt that she let him hurt like that .

-

the cookout..

aunties , uncles , grandma's , grandpa's , kids and families .

the cookout was packed , this gave monei flashbacks as she sit there alone just thinking .

her auntie and step mother were dancing and singing having the time of their lives .

p and his girlfriend were grinding against each other as the music played .

lil meech and asia had snuck away , young love we love to see it .

and monei hadn't seen kado since earlier , he was a loner .

seeing the sight of her cousin ray and her friends drinking hennessy being ghetto was just sickening.

monei got up heading to her car , she hated the sight of her cousin falling down the wrong hole .

she knew she was better than that

on her way to her car she seen kado's , he was in there smoking .

she walked over to his passenger side and tapped on the window hearing the car unlock from the inside

she got in .

" hey " she spoke as she watched the cookout from the car

" sup " he spoke as he hit his wood with his eyes closed

" you must not be feeling it " she said referring to the cookout , which she wasn't feeling anymore either

" it's not that , just not where my head at rn yfm ?" he spoke hitting his wood again

she just nodded , all she could think about was the talk her and asia had earlier .

those 2 actually had became close .

" why didn't you tell me ky " monei blurted letting her intrusive thoughts get the best of her .

" tell you what ?" he said opening his eyes finally

" about your mother , the real reason you left .. that you were struggling ky " she said feeling frustration coming to her body

she hated that she didn't see the signs that she wasn't there to help him .

he did say anything just sat there .

" i didn't want you to think i was weak " he mumbled

" WEAK ?" she semi-yelled

" ky'mier you are one of the strongest men i know " she said

" no matter what happens you keep going , and no matter what you go through you hide it and you go through it alone " she said

" that takes a lot , and though it might only break you down more you take it and you keep going " she said

he just looked at her , he missed her and the way she supported him and reassured him .

" i love you r'monei " he said as he closed his eyes grabbing her hand and laying back in the seat

he felt at home .

as the two sat there in silence listening to the music from the cookout .

hold on , we're going home by drake played .