Stay Awake.

1.

Alani in MM (Ah-LAA-nee)

"Stop! Stop it! Get off of me!" I screamed, trying my best to get him off of me. My strength was nothing compared to his though so that did me no justice at all.

Him? He's my boyfriend, AJ. We've been together for almost three years now. I reminisce on how young I was when we got together. Only 16. Well what am I saying? I still am really young, only two years older. But I feel that I've become a little wiser, learned more about this thing called life. And that's mostly by being in my situation as long as I've been. I never really had anyone to teach me, at least not at an age that I'd be able to understand.

I think that because I was so young and with no type of past is the reason why I fell in love with AJ as fast as I did. Or maybe I never even fell in love but all along it was just lust. Maybe I only knew how good it felt. But now, two years and some months later, I can honestly say I regret ever getting involved with him. I don't even know him anymore, which I probably never did. My aunt use to say that this world is full of snakes and he was probably one all along. I just wish I could've been able to see that when I'd first met him. I was too damn sprung on him to see it.

I felt his hand meet my face yet once again, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Who the fuck you talkin' to like dat!" He yelled at me, anger written all over his face.

"I'm talking to y-you! I'm tired AJ! Why do you keep treating me like this!" I yelled, fighting my tears.

He chuckled. "So you wanna talk back?"

"No I-" He cut my words off by gripping my neck, making me gasp for air.

"Ion give a fuck bout you bein' tired. You're mine! So I'ma treat you however the fuck I want to! Fuck you thought this was?" He shouted, a disgusted expression covering his face.

He then jerked his hand off my neck and I dropped to the floor and began to cough my lungs out for air as I held on to my throbbing neck. 

"What the fuck did I ever do to you?" I coughed, staring up into his eyes, hoping then maybe he'd stop.

He stared back at me, and for a second I saw his eyes soften a little. It's almost crazy how quickly that changed. I can't say I didn't half expect it though.

"And here you go wit all that cryin' shit." He waved me off.

What the fuck do you expect me to do? Sit here with an expression on my face that says "Oh you can punch me and kick me and choke me. It doesn't hurt at all."

I closed my eyes tightly and I began to sob.

I remember it was last year in November, 2014 when the AJ I first thought I knew just completely changed. It's now October of 2015.

I remember it started off way less harsh. All he would do was talk to me any and every kind of way, cursing at me and talking down on me. Then I remember night he came home so fucked up he could barely stand up straight. That one night turned into almost every night. He did a full three sixty on me.

I learned that he was trapping and all types of shit and I just couldn't take anymore of it. I wasn't happy with him anymore. I just knew that I was done and confessed to him that I no longer wanted to be with him.

Huge mistake.

I'll never forget him beating me until I'd fallen unconscious that night. I ran away after that of course. Who wouldn't? But...there was no use because he literally has eyes all over the city. So he of course found me and he almost killed me. Basically, I have no choice on whether I want to stay or go. I have to stay. Hell even if I were to kill him, his crew would somehow find out and come after me. There was no way out.

I soon opened my eyes, breaking out of my thoughts. Looking around, I saw that he was no longer in the room. I then stood to my feet and walked into the bathroom. I flicked the lights on and just watched my reflection in the mirror. I sniffed, shaking my head at how bad I looked.

I grabbed a clean wash rag, wet it, then began cleaning up my face. I don't know how many times I've been through this. Although, I do know that it feels never ending. I gently cleaned a cut on my forehead while still deep in my thoughts.

As much as it hurts to think, I can't help but to. I can't help but to talk to myself as often as I do. It's like you have to do those type of things when you have no one around to vent to and I have no one around. No family and no friends because AJ won't allow that to happen. I only have him and not really. It's pretty obvious he doesn't give a fuck about my thoughts or feelings.

I feel so dead because of him and so many other people. And sad to say I don't think that'll change anytime soon. I'm trying to hold on and not lose hope. I just don't know how much more I can take though.

I sighed, breaking out of my thoughts then began getting ready for work, which I dreaded going to right now. The only reason I was even working at Chipotle was because AJ was making me.

"You need to get out and do somethin'. Go get a fuckin' job or somethin' so you can stop gettin on my fuckin' nerves. I meant dat shit."

I shook my head, remembering his exact words.

Just another long and bad day. There are no good days in this life of mine.

Just the same shit. Everyday, its the same shit.

- - -

Aww :(

No, August is not AJ.

Sorry its already sooo depressing but again this book is for people struggling with depression..:(

Also to my readers who were here when this book was named "Promises", there will be changes. So don't get confused pls. Lol.

Excuse any mistakes.

Ki