Stay Awake.

2.

AJ in MM

Alani

I sat Indian style on my bed, fiddling with my nails. I was deep in my thoughts when the sound of the front door shutting interrupted them. I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly who it was.

AJ.

"Alani where you at girl?" I heard him call from downstairs.

"In our room." I called back.

I then heard his footsteps and he soon entered the room. He walked over to the bed then bent down to kiss me. A scent of perfume, which wasn't mine, instantly hit my nose. I also spotted red marks on his neck.

Hickeys.

"Asshole." I thought to myself.

I didn't kiss him back. I decided not to even let him kiss me. I instead turned my head the other way. I knew that he'd been with some unknown chick and that she may have had something. Which I of course didn't want.

I almost immediately regretted turning away from him though. That resulted in him grabbing my chin roughly so that we were back face to face. He then forced a kiss upon my lips.

I almost threw up, right then, feeling his tongue forcing its way inside of my mouth, swirling all around. His tight and painful grip remained on my chin, causing me to tightly squeeze my eyes shut. The whole time I wanted to push him off of me. I wasn't stupid enough to actually do it though. I knew that he would then probably beat me until it hurt to move.

He pulled away from me a few seconds later. I held in my building tears and just shook my head. This is any everyday thing with AJ. And I've gotten sick and tired of it. I'm to the point to where I can no longer take it. I just want to give up.

He smacked his lips. "What's wrong now?" He asked.

"Nothing." I shrugged, looking down.

I was lying of course. I don't know why he even fit to ask me such a stupid ass question, like he doesn't realize how horribly he treats me every freaking day.

He lifted my chin up with his fingers. "I luh you girl, you know that." He looked me in my eyes.

Sure. Just look me in my eyes and lie to me.

I sighed, still trying to hold in my tears. "AJ...I honestly don't believe that."

He chuckled, staring at me.

I just stared back, seeing nothing at all even the slightest bit of funny.

"Don't then." He shrugged, waving me off.

A few minutes later I heard the shower running. I shook my head, as a tear fell from my eye. I wiped it away.

"Why don't you just end this Alani?" I asked myself aloud.

I don't get why I'm still here, living. There is literally no point in staying. What point is there? I just want to go. I just want to be free from all of this pain. Fuck life. Shit, what do I have to lose?

I'm done.

I then walked out of the room and into the kitchen. A part of me was afraid of what I was about to do, but another part said 'fuck it'. I grabbed one his guns that he'd kept under the sink and just stared at it for a second. Leaning against the counter top, I slowly placed the gun up to my temple. Tears then started to form in my eyes.

"God, forgive me for what I'm about to do but.." I trailed off.

I placed my index finger on the trigger, ready to end my life. The pain. The abuse. Everything.

I took a deep breath.

"Aye I need you t-"

I jumped hearing AJ come into the kitchen and turned around quickly. He took one look at the gun in my hand and I'm guessing it made him feel sorry.

"B-Baby put the gun down. Don't do this shit." His voice cracked a little as he walked closer, but slowly to me.

I wiped away my tears. "What?" I asked in disbelief. "What do you care? What does it matter to you? You don't give a fuck about me AJ! No one does!" I raised my voice.

"Lani I'm sorry. Don't do this! I need you." He begged me.

I shook my head. "No...no you don't! Stop lying to me! That's all you ever do! You hate me. You and I both know it."

"Don't say that shit man ! I love you! I promise. I'm sorry ple- "

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed, tearing pouring uncontrollably from my eyes.

To say that I was angry right now would've been a major understatement. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained right now because of this man. I've had to come home everyday to him abusing me, yelling at me, and saying very hurtful things. I can't do that any longer. I won't.

One can only take so much. I couldn't even go to a bar and buy myself a drink if I wanted to, yet I'm going through this. And I'm not blaming that on anyone but myself but the point is, that hurt is too much.

When I think about it all I can't fathom how I'm still here.

"You don't love me. You never have. If so then why do you treat me the way you do?" I asked.

He said nothing at all.

I shook my head. "I'm done. I'll be outta your way. That's what you want."

"Lani please." He begged some more.

I shook my head as I wiped my tears away with my free hand.

"Don't do this! I do love you. I promise. I just get angry baby please." He walked closer to me.

I shook my head, ready to pull the trigger. "I'm done." I whispered.

"Fuck, Lani no!" He yelled.

I then closed my eyes tightly, holding my breath. I then pulled the trigger.

My mind immediately went blank. Seconds passed and I somehow still felt myself standing and I felt myself still holding the gun against my head. I hadn't felt a thing. I then slowly opened my eyes, in complete dismay.

"Breath baby." AJ said to me.

I then released a breath I never even realized I was holding. My eyes began burning with tears. How? That was all I could ask myself.

"No...NO! Why am I still here! It should've worked!" I screamed, dropping down to the floor, the gun falling from my hand. "Why didn't it work! I don't wanna be here! I wanna go!"

"Baby, clam down please." I saw him kneeling down to me.

He then reached his hand out to touch me and I jumped back.

"DON'T touch me!" I cried.

"Lani, I'm so sorry baby, I never meant to hurt you." He held me.

I cried more at those words. It was all lies.

Why didn't I go? I wanted to go.

- - -

:( I'm sorry this chapter is sad too, but next chapter won't be near as disappointing. ;) I promise.

I hope I'm not disappointing you guys with this book with only 2 published chapters. 😕

Excuse any mistakes.

Ki