You saved me Maddie

Cracks.

(If you read the latest chapter before February 20th please go back to read the changes x)

But the hug only laster for a few seconds before I pulled back.
"No" was the word that came running out before I had the time to think. "No, no, no, no, no"
Maddie straightened up and looked at me with a confused face. I walked backwards, away from her, until my back hit the wall.
"No!"
Maddie looked at me, her eyes full of confusion and sadness.
"Ellie?"
"No" I growled, dragging my hands through my hair.
I had broken the no contact with her and I didn't want to, not yet.
"Ellie please calm down"
Her voice distant and blurry. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Maddie stepped closer and I pressed my back against the wall so I wouldn't fall over.
"No" I shook my head.
"Please baby" Maddies voice was so close and yet so far away as she walked closer and closer.
"No!"
She shouldn't touch me, I was tainted, damaged from that house. Her clean hands shouldn't touch my dirty skin. I noticed I had dropped my small stuffed elephant on the floor, I hadn't even noticed. Maddie followed my eyes and saw him. She picked him up and looked at me then him and then back to me.
"It's okay, I'm here" she told me, talking like I was made of glass.
"You weren't" I shook my head.
She wasn't. She made a decision to leave me, to run from me.
"I am here right now" She nodded.
"You ran" my voice was shaking as tears ran down my face. "You left me"
"I just needed time" Maddie whispered.
"And I needed you" I cried.
She froze and her grip around the stuffed animal loosened and it fell to the floor with a soft thud. Maddie started walking towards me again but I shook my head.
"No" I put up my hand. "Don't touch me"
"What?" She looked at me.
"No please" I cried "I'm not clean, you can"t"
Maddie stopped to look at me and a single tear rolled down her cheek.
"You could swim in mud and I still wouldn't care" she smiled at me.
"I care" I cried, walking away from her.
This was a different kind of dirty, not something you could see on my skin. It was worse, an invisible type of dirt clinging to everyone I touched. I knew that the bathroom was right over there, just a few steps to the right and then I could shower. I glanced over before I started half walking half running towards the bathroom door. But Maddie was faster than me, she grabbed my arm and I was stuck. I tried to jerk my arm away with no avail. Nonononono please no.
"Ellie" her voice said from far far away. "Ellie look at me"
I snapped my eyes back on her, on her big brown eyes that looked straight into mine. She put her hand up against my cheek as she had just done minutes ago. All my feelings ran into her hand with one breath. My knees gave out under me but she caught me before I fell. She pulled me into a hug. I tried to push her away, to save her from me.
"I'm sorry I left" she said into my hair. "I'll never do that again"
After that she let me have a shower. I turned the water so hot it hurt to step inside. It felt like the water was scorching my skin. Then I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I finished by washing my hair three times to get any trace of that house off of me. I watched the dirty water run down into the drain and away. It was gone. That part of me ran away with it. When I opened the door and stepped out into the apartment I could smell Chinese takeout. Maddie had set the table and was waiting for me.
"Feeling better?" She asked before going to the fridge to fetch some water.
"I'm fine" I nodded even though I wasn't.
"Listen, we need to talk" she sighed and sat down.
I did the same across from her and I opened a takeout box.
"So when I left I went to my parents house" she shuffled in her seat. "And I spoke to my mom. I told her about how you came to stay with me the first time and a bit how your life was before."
I felt my gut tighten. Maybe I wouldn't be able to eat after all?
"And she feels really bad about the stuff she has said" she took a bite and chewed on her next words. "And my dad wanted to say that he was really sad about it all and that you shouldn't be caught in the crossfire of out argument."
I nodded to show her I was listening.
"But my moms words really stung and honestly I didn't think I was the right person to take care of you. I ran when you needed me and I felt so guilty." She reached out her hand across the table. "But I promise you that I will never do anything like this ever again."
She promised, but promises doesn't mean anything really. They are just empty words you throw on in the end of a sentence so that you sound more believable.
"I don't want to be a person you need to run" I answered.
"You're not, I promise"
Promise promise promise. Fuck all those empty words.
"Okay" I nodded. "Can I go to bed? I'm tired"
"Oh okay" she hesitated before answering.
The next morning she woke me up to tell me she was going off to work because they needed her there. Right after she left I got a text from Evelyn.
"How are you doing today?"
I told her I was fine and that she didn't need to worry before I got up and made breakfast. I was halfway through my bowl of cereal when Mila sent me a text asking me to hang out that day which I gladly accepted. It had gone weeks since out last meet-up and to be honest I really missed her. After breakfast I got ready and walked over to her apartment. When she opened the door she stared me up and down for a split second.
"Hi" I said and she snapped her eyes up at mine.
"Hey" she smiled.
She had prepared a board game because apparently it was "the best game in the world" which I highly doubted.
"You know" Mila said while rolling the dice "you should really model."
I did something between a laugh and a scoff.
"What?"
She moved her pawn on the board and nodded.
"Yeah"
I laughed at that, thinking she was joking.
"I'm serious" she looked up at me and handed me the dice. "You are really pretty"
I glowed with those words for a second and smiled.
"Oh well thank you my fair lady" a smile fizzing in the corners of my mouth.
Mila stood up and put out her hand.
"May I ask for this dance?" She said in a deep British accent.
"Well yes you may" I stood up and curtsied, holding an invisible skirt in my left hand before grabbing hers with my right.
Mila pulled me closer and we danced, her leading and me following. She spun me out and then in again and we continued. She was only a few centimetres taller than me I realised when we were so close. I could feel her breath on my cheek once every few seconds. Mila spun me out and pulled me back in and all of a sudden our faces was really close. My heart started beating faster and faster when my eyes met hers. The world felt empty and the apartment was gone, because all that existed was us right here and now. Someone upstairs dropped something heavy and the sound traveled through the roof. The moment was gone but my heart was still rattling in my chest.
"So" Mila scratched the back of her head and looked over at the game. "Should we continue?"
I nodded and we did. After that we made brownies and she argued that they were the best dessert and I just laughed at that.
"So when are you coming back to school?" She asked, her eyes on the brownie batter.
"I don't know" I shrugged.
"Because when you do you can hang with me and my friends" she stirred the batter around in the bowl.
"Thank you"
She grabbed the bowl and walked over to me to put her arm around my shoulders. Fireworks erupted in my chest so loud that I knew she could hear them. We poured the batter into a pan and put it in the oven. When Mila closed the oven door she turned to look at me.
"Can't you stay here for the night?" She pouted. "Pleeeease"
"But where would I sleep then?" I laughed.
"My room" she said quickly. "I have an air mattress"
"Okay well I'll have to ask Maddie" I nodded and picked up my phone.
Mila let out an asking type of sound.
"What?" I asked her and looked up from my phone.
"Last time you were here you called her mom" Mila put her hands in her back pockets,
"Oh"
"What changed?" She asked me, a hint of concern in her voice.
"Well she left for a few days after something her mom said and it kind of feels like my fault." I shrugged.
She walked over and hugged me from behind, resting her soft chin on my shoulder.
"Whatever happened I'm sure it isn't your fault" she said into my ear.
I smiled at her and texted Maddie.
"Can I sleep over at Milas tonight?"
She responded almost immediately.
"Okay sure then I'll stay with Chimney for the night. See you tomorrow"
I turned off the phone and looked up at Mila.
"I'll have to go home to get my stuff, and if you want you could come with?"
Mila smiled and nodded, releasing me from the hug.
When we came back from my apartment Mila made my bed while I changed into a blue and lime green pyjama set.
"Oo I like your pants" Mila told me when I stepped into her room.
"Thanks, I like yours too" I gestured to her pyjamas and she smiled at that.
"Come on" she patted on a spot on her bed next to her. "Let's watch a movie"
We were sitting in her bed, close and shoulders touching as a dc movie played on the television but I wasn't paying attention to it. My attention was on her, when she laughed at a scene or when her shoulder nudged mine. After a while she turned to me and smiled.
"What's that for?" I laughed.
"I'm just happy you're here" she said.
I took a breath and smiled before sliding my pinky through and hooking it with hers. The movie kept playing and we went back to watching it for a while.
"You know I could probably take him" she gestured to the Batman on the screen.
I raised my eyebrows at her.
"Oh really?"
She scoffed and pretended to look hurt.
"I could take you if I wanted to"
I smiled at that, at her serious face and her finger hooked on with mine. I narrowed my eyes.
"Prove it"
Mila looked around before grabbing a pillow and swinging it at me. I dodged and jumped down on the floor. She followed me, laughing while she swung the pillow at me.
"No don't kill me" I begged her when she swung again.
"Beg for mercy" she said with a deep voice.
I laid down on the floor and raised my hands.
"I surrender" I stated.
All of a sudden she was sitting on top of me, one hand still on the pillow and the other pinning one of my hands down. A smile was forcing itself onto her face and she gave in. Her face was really close now, her brown eyes holding mine. She shifted her gaze down to my lips and up again. I did the same to her, not sure what to do. She smiled again so I smiled back. My heart was pounding when she leaned in closer and closer. I was so sure she could hear my heart pounding in my rib cage. Something made a soft thud outside but this time she didn't look away, her eyes stayed on me. Her face was so close our noses almost touched now and I could feel her breath on my skin. She tilted her head slightly to the right and gently pressed her lips onto mine.