Trust me Not | 18+ ✎

18 • exposure

c h a p t e r

18

exposure

♔

m y r a

TIME HAD PASSED.

The shy trickling down of seconds that turned into a downpour of minutes became days, and time had passed.

And for every second that I spent on this Earth, I hoped and even prayed for this insurmountable anger to simmer down, to subside.

But she was persistent, she was resilient, and she was irate. Refusing to be washed down by mere time, time that healed every one. Everyone but me.

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I had wanted to pull them back and swallow them until nothing remained. But it was too late, they were out in the world, and they were heard.

However, what frightened me the most was that regret was nowhere to be found. That I was capable of such thoughts, such want. The hatred had seeped into my bones and found itself a home, refusing to leave.

My eyes glossed over the board as we continued reading Anna Karenina for the day. Professor James had asked us to debate over the events we had read till now. He was perched on the seat behind his desk, taking in both sides of the coin as he simply watched.

The squabble between the two groups was getting louder and louder, but it was all a distant echo to me. My mind was reeling with thoughts that were disturbing and emotions that were indecipherable.

"She wanted love, and she chased it." Clary exclaimed, she was always on the side of Anna, blind to the underside of the coin.

"But for that temporary love, she sacrificed her social status and a husband that loved her." Countered another boy in our class, I think his name was Joshua, "She was shunned and shamed for that love. Was it actually worth it?"

Professor James stared at the two as they went at their throats with their statements. His eyes would momentarily flicker across the room before they nestled back to the desk, on his phone and came up to us.

I noticed he had been on his phone way more than he should have been—something unusual for a professor who used to never ever look at his phone during class.

"If we take into account the number of women Stiva was engaged in, Anna was shunned for merely living the same life as him. We can see the patriarchal system that had deemed her behaviour immoral." Another one piped.

Personally, I hadn't thought about it in a long while. Anna stood by a simple principle: that love was absolute. That it came above all.

She pursued that love, disregarding the mould society put on her. She went after it all the way until it consumed her wholly. Love was scary, and it did things to an individual that were beyond comprehension.

But she loved her child enough to sneak into Alexey's home for his birthday.

That thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I tore my eyes away and focused on the view outside the window. The sun was filtering through thin strips, spring in its ultimate bloom. Summer was arriving faster than I had hoped.

It was time for me to go to Spain. To go back home to papa and Valeria.

These past few years, I had managed to stay over at my sister's place or Mira's place in Spain under the context of visiting my friend and how awfully disrespectful it would be not to see her mother.