THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 4: ALYSSA'S BAD DAY

You know how I said my life was perfect.  How I couldn't believe this was my life.  Well I should have known that it wouldn't last. I should have known that I'm not meant to be happy, or to be worthy of love. My parents proved that I was not worthy of love when I was born. I knew better.

This has been the worst month of my life. I've never felt such pain, and sometimes it has really been a struggle to even get out of bed.

I'm not sure that I would have made it this last month without Jordan.  And the other guys. But Jordan has really been there for me.  Making sure that I eat, and just listening to me, and being patient with me.

I feel like I'm letting him down, but he says I'm not. Just to take my time.  We were supposed to do some interviews about a new song that we wrote and are releasing, but I just can't right now. I don't want to show my face in public even, let alone go on television. With everyone knowing, I feel like they are laughing at me.

Jordan and Donnie tell me that no one is laughing, and they make me read the sweet comments that my fans have left me.  I still can't believe that I have fans. But they have my back, and I love them so much.

I was so in love with Rob. I thought that he loved me. I believed all his lies. He was so sweet, so romantic, made me feel so special, like I was special, like I mattered, but I guess they were all lies.

I was so happy. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Rob. He led me to believe that is what he wanted.

I guess he just said all that, lied saying he loved me, because he wanted to get me into bed. And I fell for it.  

I'm so mad at myself. For trusting and believing him. I knew better. When he first asked me out, I knew what would happen that I'd get hurt, so I told him no.  

But then he appeared on that show being sweet, saying he was such a big fan, and called to be a guest so he could see me, and I think what really reeled me in, was the fact that he said he cared about sick and abused children, and abused animals.  He went on and on about both of those, how they were dear to his heart, and how he wanted to help me with my charity.

Seeing him visit sick children, holding them in his arms, and him holding abused and rescued dogs made my defenses come down, and so I agreed to go out with him.

For 2 years. I was so happy. But then I found out that Rob was cheating on me, with some plastic porn star. 

She released one of their sex tapes, and of course she claims she didn't do it, she was hacked.  But it was timestamped with the date on it. 

Rob originally tried to say it was before he met me, but then another one came out, and it was obvious that it was just the other night.

Rob finally admitted it to me, and he had the nerve to apologize and say it won't happen again, and to take him back.  

He betrayed my trust, and he thinks it's no big deal, that I should just take him back, forget about it, he didn't mean to hurt me, he never wanted me to know.

I told him to get out. He told me I would be sorry. He got all of his stuff and left. I haven't seen him since.

But I have heard from him.  Not from calls or texts. No, he and his new girlfriend taunt me on IG. Even though I have both of them blocked.

His new girlfriend taunts me, mocks me, and is trying to copy me. Rob taunts me and takes her to every place that he took me, every place that was special for us, like where we had our first date.

On the beach, Rob is a good cook, and he had prepared a big meal for us, and took me to his favorite spot on the beach. It was beautiful. His friend owned a beach house and lets Rob stay there. Rob said he thought this place was perfect for our first date, so we could be alone, not bothered, and just talk, he wanted to get to know all about me, the real me.