THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 21: NEEDING YOU

Tom's view:

I feel like such a jerk right now. The last two days have been bad. It's the weekend, and to top it off it's raining and just dark outside. And it's dark inside as well.

Alyssa has been a bitch. I have tried everything I could to make things better.

I thought maybe since she was on her period I could make her feel better. Big mistake.

First, what the hell has happened to me, that I would care if a girl was on her period and try and make her feel better.

That's how much this girl has gotten into my head.

Let's go back a minute and I'll explain.

After the other night when she was a bitch, the next morning, she apologized to me, and told me she was sorry that she was bitchy, and in a bad mood, that she gets this way when it's her time of the month, and she knows it's no excuse, she's sorry.

So here I am trying to make her feel better. I knew that I couldn't just call Judy and ask her what helps stomach pains when you have your you know. If I do that then Judy will be even more convinced, I'm falling for Alyssa, and I can't let Judy know that she is right.

I thought about calling up my mom and asking her. But what the hell is wrong with me that I would even have that thought.

Like number one, I do not want to discuss a period to my mother, that's not a mother son conversation I want to have, and second, my mom would be as bad as Judy, my mom has let me know that she thinks Alyssa is perfect for me, and she's praying that we will fall in love.

I definitely can't ask the guys for advice, they would never let me live this down, and would be non-stop jokes about me. I would not be able to show my face at the station. All the other precincts would hear about it. I'm sure, with Booker. He'd love to razz me about this.

I did the only thing I could do; I got my phone and I googled, what can you do for your girlfriend to make her feel better during her time of the month. Not that she's, my girlfriend. But come on here, I can't just google what do you do for a friend who is on her period.

I was a little shocked that before I got all the words typed in, it popped up. I mean have other guys googled this? I am not feeling as big a fool as I was.

I read some of the comments that guys have said on some of these sites, so I guess there are other guys who are messed up in the head over their girls, big difference is they have girls, and I don't. Alyssa isn't my girl, never will be.

Still, I want to make her feel better, and I guess maybe I'm being a little selfish, because living with her is a real bitch, when she is like this. 

In my defense, I am a man and I've never lived with a girl. I've never had a girl with me nonstop, like all the time, 24 hours a day. 

The only girl that I've had around me for 24 hours straight has been Judy, and that has been on cases, where we had to do surveillance or something like that. 

But everything I tried to do to make Alyssa feel better, she snapped at me. Then she raised her voice, and then she flat out said it in a tone that wasn't shouting, but it was close to yelling at me to leave her alone.

Like what the f--- I am only trying to help her. So, I lost my cool. Even though in my head I was saying walk away Hanson, go to your room, leave her alone, just walk away, don't say anything be a bigger person, but no, I am sick of her shit, I'm sick of feeling like this, mainly I'm sick of hurting inside over a girl that doesn't give a damn about me, and that hurts.

I'm madder at myself then I could ever be at her. But I lost my temper, and I shouted back at her, and I am cringing at the words I said.  I was cruel, and I hurt her. I saw it in her eyes, and I made her cry.