CHAPTER 11: DASHED HOPES

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Alyssa's view:

It seems like this day has been forever. But I have to say it's improved from how it was this morning. 

I didn't like the idea of having to move in with a guy that I didn't know. Even if he is a policeman and going to protect me.  You never know. There are some bad cops out there. But I trust Jordan and I know that he would make sure that I had a good officer to protect me.

But when I saw who it was my heart sank. But at the same time, I felt sick inside. Like my stomach was going crazy.

It was the guy whose car I hit. And he was so upset with me that day. Part of me was excited to see him again, and hoping he would be the cop to protect me, and the other part of me was hoping that he wouldn't be the one to protect me.  Since I'm sure he hated me.

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy. Or going crazy. Why I would be so conflicted, except the fact that day that I hit his car, even though he was yelling at me, and I admit I was a bitch to him, but I thought he was hot.

I could tell right away that Tom was not wanting to be the one, and I don't blame him. I mean having to have some girl you don't know come live with you.  The first thing I worried about was I don't want any trouble with any girlfriend of his. And of course she would be upset. I mean if he was my boyfriend, and he had to have a girl move in with him, I'd be telling him no way. He needs to tell them he can't do it.

I was surprised when I found out he didn't have a girlfriend.

I'm so glad that Judy is there. She seems so nice, and I loved talking to her today. Just the two of us girls. She has been through so much, harassment just doing her job, heartbreak, and rape. I am in awe of how strong a woman she is, to handle all of that. I'm not sure that I could.

I guess I'm hoping that she wants to be friends, I really don't have any friends that are girls. After what happened with Misty and my other friends, I just decided to just have casual friends, you know not make them best friends, that way they can't hurt me.  I have Jordan and Donnie and the guys, and they are enough, but I miss having a girlfriend.

I felt horrible when I realized that was Tom's dad's car, and then when I messed up and asked him about his dad. He got upset and left the room. I know I overstepped, and I didn't mean to. I really didn't. Not that he will believe me.

Then I tried to avoid him, I thought I'd stay out of his way, and I messed up again and upset him. But I didn't know what to do. Jake needed to go out, and I didn't want to go knock on his bedroom door. Being in his bedroom is the last place I should be.

But he was right. I can't be taking risks like that.

After that things got better. Judy and the guys came over.  I see why she loves working with them so much.  They all seem like great guys.  They were trying to be funny, not all their jokes were funny, but I laughed.  It was good to laugh about something instead of cry.

Tom though was acting really weird the whole time. It was like he didn't want them to be there, and he kept glaring at them.

Especially if Dennis said anything to me. Tom was getting on him for flirting with me. If I didn't know better, it would appear Tom was jealous. But I know that is not true. Then when I talked to Judy, she told me about how Tom has never liked Dennis. Then when Tom warned me in the kitchen. I appreciate that. But I am not interested in Booker. While I admit he is definitely one of the hottest guys I've ever seen, so is Tom, and I'm not going to date again. It's not worth the risk of the pain.

I went to the kitchen not knowing that Tom would be in there. And I was surprised when I saw him sitting there.  He looked deep in thought, and so hot. 

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