URIAH

Continuing

Chapter 1

Two weeks was the time we were given, from the moment the building of FBI headquarters blew up, to forget and rebuild.

Two weeks was not enough to forget my overwhelming, torturing, unexplained and unfinished summer.

Nathan and I ran away from an exploded building, hand in hand, like we were victors. We might have been, but I don't see any good in that right now. I would have never left a group of hurt people in a place where another attack might hit especially when I didn't know the reason behind the attack.

The news claimed it was a simple terrorist attack and are already rounding up suspects, whom I think are totally innocent, but who knows what or who really is the reason behind this attack?

The questions that have haunted me before still run through my brain and new ones never fail to make appearance. The most hauntingly important one of all is this.

What the hell happened to make me turn this ugly? Why is my strength causing so many things to change in me?

Nathan and his family still live with us. Although, once we came back we all needed our space. Vi moved downstairs with Ben and Rosa while Nathan spent a few days at Aaron's. Once everyone was able to pretend that they were back to normal, I still didn't. I had friends living a few stairs below who lost a loved one, but I ignored them.

These past two weeks I haven't communicated with a fellow soul. Except for a simple word, nod or shake of the head I used to address whoever entered my room. Other than that, I didn't speak up.

I haven't been in any physical contact of any sorts with anyone. Not even a hug. I have lost all that was good in me, because I wanted strength.

This was what I feared all along.

I have killed, I have lost and the guy I care about the most lost his dad and I have the goddamned audacity to think that I am taking away strenght and courage from this journey.

Go to hell, Sam.

A knock resonates in my room. I pause my reoccurring hateful thoughts for a second and peak out my bed covers to my right to watch the door slowly open, but the person behind it is still hidden. Maisley and my dad wouldn't come in if I didn't answer and my mom would tell me it was her before even turning the knob.

My heart twists and turns when I see Nathan coming into my room with a crooked smile. His dark hair is dishevelled and his eyes seem unrested, like they haven't had a moment of sleep in days. I guess I'm not the only one, even though I spend my days in this bed.

He puts his hands in his pockets. He hasn't dared to come up here after that first incident. Our words still ring through my mind everytime I think or see that face.

"Get out, Nathan."

"Why? Why the fuck are you pushing me away? We all went through this, Sam. Together. And now you want to overcome it alone."

"Why are you not letting me the space I need?"

"Because, because I... I need you."

"You need me?"

The thought of the words that left my mouth after are the biggest cause of my nightmares. Even though we left hand in hand and ran for hours, nothing after the precinct was the same. Because of me.

"I can't be there for you, Nathan."

"You're leaving me alone? After how we said we feel for each other? After I lost my father?"