URIAH

Fearing

Chapter 22

I'm afraid.

In the loneliness of my assigned room and the artificial sunlight out my window, I am terrified. My hands are trembling, I am slightly rocking in place, my legs crossed under me on my white hospital type bed.

Although drifting away in my sleep has always been my medicine, I do not dare close my eyes. Every time my eyelids force me to meet the darkness, I see Nathan. I imagine him on an operating table. I see him vulnerable and weak, on the verge of death. I see him in a spit of rage, his eyes void of any love or understanding we ever had.

I lay down on the bed and I let my tears roll off the side of my face. After a few seconds, I open my eyes. I lean over the bed frame and grab the remote from the nightstand. I switch the TV on. Still on the news channel, there are some reports about the ongoing efforts to rebuild the town of Amatrice after the 6.2 earthquake in August.

I watch the news attentively for the full coverage. When they move to commercial, I realize that I was actually distracted by something else. I was able to take my mind off everything. I keep changing channels to keep myself occupied. The next one is, again, a news channel, but this time, it's a global one.

"Today, on December 20th 2016, we have news about the Russian ambassador being killed in Turkey."

I'm not even baffled by the news. What hits me is the date. We are December 20th. My family is buying Christmas gifts now. My friends are most likely thinking about doing a draw for secret Santa. It's probably snowing in Albany.

Nathan and I are in the Vatican being tested on by a secret society many of his dad's close ones were a part of. I'm lost without him. I am devastated without my family.

I sit up on my bed, tears still streaming down my cheeks.

"I'VE BEEN TESTED. I HAVE SHOWN HOW STRONG I AM," I yell to an empty hall and white wall.

"NATHAN HAS GONE THROUGH ENOUGH. WE'VE GONE THROUGH ENOUGH," my tears turn into a sob. "I just want to go home," I whisper. When in pain, when confused, when sad, talking to myself always worked somehow. This seems like a better moment than ever to try that out.

"I just want my parents to come home and tell us about the crazy customers that came into the restaurant that day. I just want my sister and I to fight over who does the dishes. I want us all to watch a movie together. I want to have family parties where Nathan is there too. I just want us to go on a real date."

I look out the window. I stare into the artificial light. Looking past the yellow, I find a small black box most likely being the source.

In Tenebris, as the name says, took me in its darkness yet they claim to bring its followers in the light. With their radical plans, their invasive methods, their artificial illumination they have taught me something. I need to fake it 'til I make it. Like the artificial light, I need to create a fake brightness inside me keeping my heart light and emotionally stable.

I walk out of the room, into the basement. When the guards see me, they run towards me and grab me by the arms. Tito turns towards us quickly with devilish eyes.

"Tito, I am quiet and cooperative. I promise," I say raising my hands as much as I can due to the my arms being held back.

"I am going to sit on the steps and I'll watch from a distance. I just need to be with him."

He sighs. He shows the men away with his hand. They let me go. I sit down on the steps trying to cover myself as much as possible.

I hear him sigh, but I don't make eye contact with him. I keep my head down playing with the hem of my white and light turquoise checked gown. A minute later, one of the female doctors approaches me. She shows me to their locker rooms and gives me a spare outfit. I look around the blue lockers and the dim lighted room.