URIAH

Complaining

Chapter 14 

Since plane tickets to British Colombia, especially from outside of North America, are incredibly expensive, Nathan, my dad and I had planned out a system before leaving that saves us more money than I thought was possible. Instead of taking a plane directly to Victoria before driving to Alaska, we would take one to Newport, Oregon. The difference between plane tickets is over 200$ and if you add on to that rent fees for the car and gas, we still end up saving 100$ by driving to Vancouver from Newport. Then, taking a plane from there to Dease Lake. Finally, driving to Juneau from there. Plus, we have more than enough days to the deadline so we were able to make changes to save money.

After I finish writing down all our expenses up until now in my phone, I turn it off and put it away. We're way past Portland now, but I have not seen a sign in a while so I'm not really sure where we are exactly.

I let myself sway to the music that makes this silent tension bearable. With Portia asleep in the back of the car, Nathan and I are sitting side to side, alone, technically, after a really long time. Well, longer than usual and I feel like it's time for us to talk this out.

I turn the volume down.

"Nate?"

It takes him a while before he answers. I think he's shocked that I talked first. I may be stubborn and protective of my pride, but I don't play games with the people I love. If I need to talk for this to work out, then I will, but I know that it doesn't mean that it has to always be me.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk now or is it still too soon?"

He grips the steering wheel a little tighter. He looks in his rear view. I'm sure it's to check if Portia is really asleep, but he still changes lane without reason to hide his concerns probably. He's such a baby. But, I know that I'd do the same so I take it back.

"Let's talk about it," he says after talking a deep breath.

"Do you want to go first? I feel like you're the one that has more to say."

I look at him carefully for a reaction. I hope he doesn't overreact to what I said.

He clears his throat. "Fine."

We sit there in silence for a good 20 seconds before he finds the words to begin.

He used to be sitting in the oil and now that it's hot, he's slowly sizzling. I don't mind I just don't want him to burst.

"I- I was hurt by how I thought it was easy for you to kiss Cristian. I thought the whole thing was easy for you so I left the rest of the mission for you to complete, because my ego told me 'well, she'll probably blaze through that too' and that wasn't right.

"I think d-deep down, I was a little intimidated by him and by how you were able to act around him. I've always known you as shy and don't get me wrong, I love that you're gaining confidence, but I never imagined you having more confidence with other guys and I guess that threatened me."

"But," I start. "As much as this relieves me regarding you not blaming me and hating me, you could've felt threatened, but you were right to feel uncomfortable. I'm not going to take that away fron you, I just wished you would've handled your emotions differently. You know?"

He smiles. "Yeah, I get it and I'm happy that you're not blaming me for getting mad. But, I just... ugh it's hard to explain."

"Just get the words out and if they're not the right ones then take it back and change it up."

"I just felt betrayed and weak and I've never felt weak. I've never felt like I could not control something until my dad died."

His one hand tightens on the steering wheel while the other slightly hits it.