URIAH

Confusing

Chapter 15

My guilt fueling actions in the past have yet to stop affecting my concentration when it comes to using weapons: especially a gun. Target practice ends up being a complete mess and I've lost all aim and will to continue. I just wish we'd go back on the road.

"Hey, come on. Now, you're just all over the place."

I look at Nathan, as he's filling his mag, for a second before dropping my arm and fixing my gaze on the grass we're standing on.

I sigh. "Thanks."

He sighs before coming over to where I'm standing. When I look up, all I see are the green pine trees frosted with a bit of ice from the cold.

I feel surrounded by hundreds of Christmas trees just waiting to be decorated and lit. In the midst of the fresh green is Nathan's pale face that says so much more than words.

"Come on. Give me your hand." I oblige.

He grabs my wrist, opens up my palm. He takes the gun, empties the barrel and places the bullets in my hand.

"Close your hand now," he calmly orders and I obey.

"What do you feel?"

"Litteraly? Well, cold metal."

"Good. Now, emotions. What are you feeling?"

"Empty. As empty as the gun you're holding now."

"Why?"

"Because I feel like I don't have the natural strenght and abilities that made me powerful anymore."

"Just like the gun?"

"Just like the gun. I'm holding its bullets."

"Right. Now, you're holding the bullets, right? You're holding what makes the gun powerful. Shouldn't you feel more powerful?"

"I mean, if you put it that way, I guess. But I don't."

"If you don't feel powerful with something or someone else's power than that means it's not for you. You have to concentrate on who you are to know if something actually empowers you. If that doesn't work, you realize that what empowers you isn't what you thought it was and you have to look for something else."

I can't seem to find any words that'll even come close to how beautiful his were in this moment.

"Now, put those bullets back in the gun and connect with yourself and not with your façade. Try it out again and if it doesn't work, then guns aren't for you and that's okay."

He gives me the gun. I exhale before putting the bullets back in and aiming at the target. He puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me to breathe.

I close my eyes before only opening one and then, I shoot. It's the closest to the target I've been since we started.

"See?"

My smile stretches out and I keep nodding.

"Go again."

I shoot and it's off track again, but I shoot again and this one hits the center.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!"

"I guess this is my power."

"Nah," he says coming closer and taking the gun away from me. He lifts my face and puts my hair away. "You hold power in here," he whispers pointing my heart. "And here," he adds holding my head. "You never needed a gun, but you wanted one and that's why I helped give it to you."