Muhtesem Yuzyil Imagines ♡

Mihrimah/Bali Bey: "Only Love Can Hurt Like this"

" stop the carriage" said the golden haired sultana, her eyes full of unshed tears. She felt as if the four walls of the carriage were closing in on her, making it hard to breathe. Every breath felt painful as she tried for the sake of her younger brother to hold in her sobs.

She would cry out of sight, that was the small mercy she could grant herself. Like her mother she will never allow anyone to see her tears, she was strong she thought as she raced out of the cell she was trapped in.

" my sultana is everything okay" asked a concerned voice from behind her. Without turning around she responded with " I need some fresh air" and left.

Once alone she let all her emotions loose, the tears flowed more freely, her sobs coming out choked. No matter how many times she wiped her tears away more fresh salty tears replaced them. Flashbacks of her conversation with her mother resurfaced causing fresh sobs to come out. No matter what she did she couldn't help but remember what her mother said, her voice that once was a comfort now mocked her.

(Flashback)

" my moon, sun the most beautiful sultana. Firstly you should know that whatever I do is for your future and that of your brothers.

Mihrimah sat confused at that, she already knew that. Her poor mother suffered a lot and had to deal with all these evil people alone for many years.

She new of the beatings and poisoning, the unfair punishments. The many exiles and the plain favouritism from her grandmother towards mahidevran sultana. Her poor mother who fought war after war, all alone.

" I've been thinking about your future for a long time now, finally I've made a decision"

Nervous mihrimah let go of her mothers hand and pulled on a loose thread on her clothes. What could this be about. Unless...

" What kind of decision" she asked timidly her eyes fixed on her mothers blue ones.

" I've decided to wed you my dear daughter"

At first she felt giddy then a bubble of happiness washed over her. Her mother listed to her! Finally she would be able to be united with her lover. Her dark haired dark eyes bey.

" oh valide, you've made me do happy, I'm so grateful for you"

Her mother looked on slightly startled then she spoke and what she said next made her blood run cold.

" Mihrimah stop, listen to what I've got to say fully first"

The young naive girl apologized and remained silent until her mother was done. She wished she could have never had this conversation looking back.

I've decided to marry you, yes but not to bali bey but to Rustem pasha.
(End of flashback)

She had said that her father, the one who loves her the most made this decision. But the young sultana refused to believe this. Her father who was the lover of love wouldn't do something like this to her.

" Sultana is everything alright, I can't help but wonder why you are sad? I know it's not because we left hurrem sultana behind"

Not caring about her tear filled face, she turned around and all but declared

" they are getting me married off to Rustem pasha! I don't want this, the idea is even terrifying " she said as her voice broke. The man in front of her looked at her with pity in his eyes. She hated that.

" if his majesty had made this decision, then it's for the best my sultana" he said his shoulders dropping from their uncomfortable position.

" but my bey, it's only you who can help me" desperation covered her voice as she touched his hand with her fingers lightly. Hesitant he pulled away, a look of understanding replaced the pity.

" my sultana, I would like premission to speak freely with you"

The Sultana nodded wiping her cheeks and neck of any salty tears, her body slightly shaking.

" Mihrimah" he said softly when she refused to look at him, him saying her name without any titles sent shivers down her spine. Her eyes met his within seconds.

" I know it hurts and I understand you feel as if you've lost something big and special. But I promise you that whatever his majesty has planned for you is for the best"

Any chance of her understanding his words left her. He was just like the rest of them. As of now she didn't even want him to reciprocate her feelings, she wanted to know his view on her. Dose he only see her as a child or is it something else.

" speak plainly please, stop talking in riddles"

He nodded glancing behind him for a few seconds before he spoke once more.

" my sultana I know everything. From your feelings towards me to the spying and the excuses you have made to see me. When you were a child I thought it was just a childhood crush that would fade within time. But I was wrong I see that now. I want to make it clear that if I have done anything to suggest that I shear the same feelings you have for myself, I would like to sincerely apologise"

Mihrimah could just look at him with dead eyes, her heart felt as if it had been cut open and salt was spread into the wounds brutally.

" But why, aybige hatun? Don't try to lie to me, I know you had some feelings towards her" she said accusingly, he didn't look ashamed but only a little upset.

" my sultana, before I met aybige hatun I had another woman in my heart. Our story is complicated but if I were to say who my most true love was I would say it was her not aybige. She wasn't just my lover but my wife"

Glass shattered when he spoke those words, her bali bey had a wife? Someone he loved til date. That could not be, that wasn't true "

" how come no one new... Was it a secret? She asked quietly

Without any words he took her hands into his and gave them a gentle squeeze

" my heart froze when she died my sultana, the ice melted within time but it remained cold until aybige came. I tried to resist her, reject her but my heart wanted what it wanted. The ice returned when she left"

There without saying it he had said it, spoke the words he wanted to but failed to do so.

' I have no space for you in my heart ' he ment to say. She was just his Sultans daughter to him and nothing else. A duty he had to protect.

She broke down in tears, her breathing coming heavy as she sank to the floor. She didn't even realise he had lifted her back up as if she was a child throwing a tantrum.

" I don't want you to see me as a child, I want you to see me as a woman" she said without thinking.

The man in front of her just sighed in defeat, gently he lifted her head up with his fingers and wiped away her tears.

" I am sorry mihrimah, truly. But I can't help who I love and I don't blame you for your emotions. I can't reciprocal your feelings but I can be a friend. Someone you can talk to when you need to"

A friend.... just a friend nothing else she thought looking at him seriously. If she couldn't have his love she would make due with his friendship. Nothing else.

" I understand, thank you for talking to me" she said wiping her face. He nodded and guided the young woman back into the carriage.

It wasn't until after the sultana had married her husband Rustem pasha and their daughter had been born that he was thankful for his choices that day. After many years he felt as if he could breath once more...

(CREDS TO ORIGINAL AUTHOR))