Fake it 'til we make it

T H I R T Y N I N E

Song: Favorite Crime
Artist's Name: Olivia Rodrigo
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-🌼-

"I love you."
I bid Silas, before stepping inside the airplane. I sigh, looking at my plane ticket.

I smiled to myself, dad bought me first class tickets. I head to my luxurious seat.

I sit down, waiting for the pilot to announce anything. I looked out of the window.

Was I really making the right choice?

I shake my head a tear slipping from my eyes. Fuck, I miss them already. He wasn't mine.. anyways..

______

"Dad.."
I say, sadly hugging him. "Sweetheart, are you okay? Are you sure you want this?" I nod at him crying.

"Alright, let's go then." He leads me inside the car. I looked out the window the whole ride, but everytime I stared at something.. it kept reminding me of him.

The love of my life.

It felt like a billion knives stabbed my heart, when I broke up with him. He didn't deserve the way I treated him.

He didn't deserve my shitty self.
I'm a mess.
I'm a disaster.

I wipe my tears with the sleeves of Elijah's hoodie. I've never washed this since he gave me it.

We were watching a movie, and he gave it to me since I was shivering. Ever since then, I didn't give it back to him..

I wanted to keep it as a memory..
"We're here."

______

"Hey, summer you okay?"
It's been a few months since I moved here, and I've made a friend already.

Liviana.

"Yeah, thanks for asking." She smiles at me. "Anyways, how are things going with you and Cole?"

I sigh at her, "You know.. I don't want to date right now.." I say. She let's out a sigh, "Summer. Tell me the truth, why don't you want to date?"

I sigh, suddenly a tear slips from my eye. "It's just that.. I have someone else who I still love.." I say.

We sit down by the bench, as I tell her the story of how I got into this mess with Elijah.

"That's so romantic though," She whines, making me smile at her. "You're so dramatic."

She sniffs, wiping her fake tears. "But seriously though, I would die to have a boy that loves me so much.. to the point that it's like one of those love stories from the movies."

"Stop your nonsense, mad let's go home."

______

"So.. how are you guys doing there?"
I ask Silas and the girls. The boys were there too, but I didn't see Elijah anywhere.

I haven't seen him since I moved in la.

"So.. h-how's Elijah.. d-doing..?" I ask with concerned eyes. They all look a each other.

"He's.. good.. still recovering though.." Ace answers, making me nod. " Well I gotta go dad's calling me bye guys love you.." I say in rush, my voice breaking.

I knew I was gonna cry again, just mentioning his name. It felt like a distant yet familiar name for my tongue to mention.

It felt like an old song you were once addicted to, but then stopped. Once you listened to it again, you felt somehow.. at home.. you felt familiarity.. you felt.. love.

I fidget with his dark green hoodie. If he was only thinking about me as well.

Once I found out green was his favorite color, it felt like green shone out above all the other colors. It felt like the spotlight was always on the color green, it felt like everytime I look at something green.. I was looking at him. I obsessed over it, until it also became my favorite color.

It felt like the most beautiful color. I didn't pay attention to it back then, since the only shades of green I saw were the bad ones.

But once I laid my eyes on it long enough, and got to stare and know it better, it felt like it was the most beautiful color in the world..

This isn't about the color green..