Until my last breath...

IT WAS JUST ME AND THE RAIN

BeforeI knew it tears were streaming down my face, I quickly wiped them away andstood up. I didn't want her to wake up and see a crying man by her bed. Seeingas she was still asleep I decided to go and get something to eat in thecafeteria. I had decided on a bowl of pasta with a cup of black tea, looking atthis bland food takes me back to the first time we cooked together. It was whenRora was on her school break back when things were perfect, Rora came to staywith me for a couple of days. It was a Friday and she wanted to stay inside andwatch a movie rather than go out and eat so she asked me to cook her a meal. Iagreed but once I got into the kitchen it became a disaster, in the end, I hadto tell her the truth. She got angry because I was living on takeout and frozenreadymade foods so she decided to cook a meal for me. this was going to be thefirst time she would be cooking for me and I was excited even though I had tohelp her. we went to the market to get all the ingredients when she said that shewill be making a spicy curry for me just like the one I took her for on ourfirst date. Once we came home she asked me to help her cook, she made me cutall the veggies for her. I was so busy watching her that I didn't see where Iwas cutting and accidentally cut my finger, she got so worried and kept askingme for the first aid kit but I didn't have one. She ran around the houselooking for plasters and magically found one. Once my finger was cleaned andbandaged Rora made me sit on the counter while she cooked, it was fascinatingto see this tiny girl in my kitchen cooking a meal for me. Was it bad that Iwished for it to be like this every day in the future? She moved soeffortlessly in the kitchen and all I could do was sit there and admire this beautybefore me. when the food was done I set up the table for us to eat while shebrought the food over, it was almost as if we were a family. We sat down andate while she told me all about her week, she told me how her professor gaveher class a group project and she was nervous about working with her groupbecause she was shy to talk to them. I told her that she was going to be fineand that she would be making friends with them. Rora loved making friends withanybody and everybody she met, that was one of the things I loved about her andalso one of the things that made me worry about her in case she made friendswith the wrong people. I knew I couldn't protect her always and she needed tomake mistakes or else she wouldn't survive in the world but I'd always be thereto pick her up if she had to fall. The next day she asked if I felt lonely whenshe wasn't here, I told her that when she wasn't here the whole apartment wasquiet and that I was always lonely when she wasn't around. Rora then decided atthat moment I needed to get a pet so I wouldn't be lonely when she was away. Idisagreed greatly because I wasn't an animal lover but who could say no to her,not me that's for sure. We went to the pound in search of this pet that wouldtake away my loneliness, Rora excitedly walked around and inspected every puppythat they had. She finally found one, a German shepherd who instantly took aliking to her. I didn't like him because he didn't want me to hug Rora or evento go near her as he became very protective of her. we took him home and gavehim the name Solo, a weird name but it fits him because the people at the poundsaid he didn't play well with other dogs and Rora thought he was perfect forme. I didn't know whether to take it as an insult or not. As soon as Solo wassettled in the house he warmed up to me, Rora took a picture of us with meholding solo with one hand and the other holding Rora. She called it ourpicture-perfect family. You know those memes that say when you didn't want apet but are stuck like glue, yeah that's how I became. Everywhere I went solowas right by me. The whole weekend was spent playing with solo and having thetime of our lives, who would've thought it would become a vivid memory in myheart? Solo became my pillar of strength when everything happened, it was likehe knew what going on and he stayed strong for me until the day he passed. Solopassed away four years after I finished college, I was working on my secondnovel at that time in New York when I took him to the vet because he wouldn'teat or move at all. I thought it was because I was sad but The vet told me thathe had cancer which was common in his breed of dogs so I had to put him down asper the doctor's request or he would suffer a lot, it killed me to see him asthat and I stood by his side till the end. I stayed strong for him as he didfor me in my hard time, I smiled at him as he closed his eyes so the last thinghe would've seen was my happy face and he could rest in peace knowing that Iwould be fine. I had decided to give him a proper burial and buried him by thebig oak tree in the same sunflower meadow where Rora drew her dream house. Iburied him there so he would be close to the place she loved the most, I put astone with his name and sent him off with a tear-stained smile. At that momentIt felt like I was truly alone because there was no one to tell me it was goingto be okay or that he was in a better place. It was just me and the rain. AFTERHER... I woke up from the cafeteria without actually eating anything and decidedto go for a walk, I walked around the back where they had a beautiful gardenwith many different flowers in it. whenever I think about Rora, it's like I'mhit with all our memories at once, everything we did just flashes before me andsometimes it can be overwhelming. I sat down far away from everyone to havesome peace, after solo died I had gone home drenched from the rain my house wasonce again quiet and lonely just like when she left. I was so angry that Itrashed my whole room, I threw everything around until I collapsed on the floorwith my everything around me. I felt something poking my leg and saw it was atin box, I sat up and opened the box. Inside was pictures of Rora and me, therewere pictures of when we were in high school, there was a picture of us when wedanced in the rain, and many more pictures. There was also a piece of paperwith the house that Rora had drawn and I stared at that picture for a whileuntil I came up with a brilliant idea. It took me 2 years but I finally boughtthat piece of land with the sunflower meadow and the oak tree, I used Rora'sdrawing and asked a friend to draw up a plan and designed the whole house justthe way she would have liked it. They began to build and I gave theconstruction people specific instructions not to destroy the tree or thesunflower meadow as they were very important. I left the construction of thehouse in my friends' hands and decided to travel for a while in hopes to gainsome inspiration for my second book. I spent the following 2 years travelingall around Asia just like how Rora would have wanted, I did it in hopes that Iwould find her there or just magically bump into her. all my friends weregetting married and having kids while I was here still pining after my first love.They told me that it was time to move on because she wasn't going to come back.I tried moving on, and I tried going on a few dates but it just wasn't thesame. It was as if I didn't match with anybody but her, every person I went outwith I compared them to Rora. the way they ate wasn't like how she did or theydidn't laugh like her. Nobody could make me happy like how she effortlesslydid. I figured out that relationships weren't going to work for me so I stoppedtrying, I traveled and wrote love stories while mine was incomplete. I wentback home to see how the house was coming along and to my surprise, it wasdone. The exterior of the house looked exactly how it was on the drawing, itwas a 3-bedroom cottage not too big because Rora hated big houses. The insidewas painted peach as she liked light colors while the outside of the house wasbaby blue. It was perfect, I had decided to stay home for a while so every dayI would wake up and take a walk through the flowers and go sit with solo underthe tree. I had started a journal and every day I would go to the tree andwrite in it. It was during the December holidays when my best friend Bobbyasked if I wanted to grab a couple of drinks with him and since I had nothingplanned, we decided to go to a bar we used to go to when we were in college. Acouple of our friends also decided to join us too and we spent the nightdrinking and dancing. We ended up going on the night that they were havingkaraoke and my friends became a one-hit wonder that night, I'm still shockedthe windows didn't break after their performance of "dancing on theceiling" by Lionel Richie. It was about quarter past 10 when I was calledonto stage for my turn, I didn't know what I was going to sing but as soon as Iwalked to the mic. It hit me, the words came out naturally and poured intopeople's ears. I decided to sing "tequila" by Dan+Shay because itreminded me of her and how much I missed her at this moment. As I sang all Icould think about was all the times we spent together just flashing through mymind. Once I was done the whole place erupted in cheers but nobody knew howempty I felt after singing that song, I decided to call it a night and drovehome. When I got home I couldn't bring myself to go inside knowing that therewas no one inside waiting for me to come home. I decided to walk around andended up by our tree, I sat down next to solo and just gazed at the stars tillI eventually fell asleep next to him. I preferred staying at home rather thangoing out to the malls or anywhere that had a lot of people. The reason is thatwhenever I went out I see her; It's like I catch glimpses of her or hear herlaugh in a crowded place but I know it's just my mind playing tricks on me. thewas one incident where I thought it was her and followed this girl into theshop when I called her name the girl turned but it wasn't my Rora that's when Iknew that I had it bad for her. I would sit at the park where we used to watchthe old people walk and wonder if Rora never got sick would she be here withme, there was an old couple who once came up to me and asked why I was alwayssitting by myself. I told them that I was waiting for someone special to who Imade a promise too, the old lady gave me a big smile and hugged me, and saidthat if it was meant to be then it will be and they walked off. I wanted whatthey had, to grow old with the one I love. what the old lady had said played onmy mind for a long time and I wondered if we were meant for each other. Was shethe one? It didn't even take me a second to think about my answer. She was theone and I couldn't stop looking for her because she was worth it. I walked backinside only to see that she was still asleep so I sat next to her and touchedher cheek softly Looking at her peaceful face I can't imagine not being in herlife even if I am someone different every day to her. After college I searchedfor her everywhere I could think of but she was nowhere to be found, at thattime I began working for a magazine company and wrote columns about love andmarriage. Two years later I published my own novel, it was about a runawaybride who ran away from her husband because she fell in love with someone else.I wrote so many novels about love even though mine was gone. I started workingon myself and building my career and traveling to many places yet I feltincomplete because she wasn't here to celebrate my successes, or hold my handwhen I was nervous about an interview, she wasn't here and I never stoppedsearching for her.