The Desire Variable | Rewrite

⸻ SEVENTEEN ⸻

This is nothing like the drunken kiss we exchanged after game night. This is me, desperately attempting to make those sparks ignite. This is me doing whatever I must to get my body to cooperate. This is me listening to reason instead of lust.

After a moment of shock, he eventually reacts and tilts his head to the side slightly, before raising a hand to rest it on the side of my neck, handling me delicately. I wait, unmoving, for something to happen. Anything.

It will, it has to.

Pressing my mouth harder on his, I intensify our kiss, trying to drag out the sensations I felt with Lex. When it still isn't enough, I open my mouth to get more. Oli follows, and soon enough, our tongues are meeting. Our first kiss wasn't this bold, and while this is pleasant, it isn't as shattering as I hoped for.

His lips are soft, pliant under mine. He lets me lead, takes initiatives whenever I allow him to. It's nice, enjoyable, but it still isn't enough. Unlocking my seatbelt to get closer to him, I raise the intensity again. With my head further to the side, I grab his with both my hands, shoving my mouth harder against his.

In my eagerness to get closer to him, to draw out those feelings, I end up half-straddling Oli, one leg hooked over his, my skirt rising on my thighs. Oli's hands are on me, but in a sweet, gentle way, like he's cradling me. But all I want is for him to grope and pull like he needs me more than oxygen, like he needs me as much as Lex did.

It doesn't matter how much I try... The jolts of pleasure, the desire, and the need to have him aren't coming. I want Oli to crawl into my mind like Lex did, and take up all the room. I want this kiss to chase every memory of the other one.

It's pleasurable, I can't deny that. Even my experiences with my boyfriends were less pleasurable than this. It should be enough. It was always enough. And he wants me; I can feel it in the hard bulge at his crotch and the lascivious touches of his tongue. He wants me, so we're halfway there, aren't we?

But it isn't enough, nor okay. Now that I had a taste of the immeasurable heights I can reach, it's all I crave. The raw desire, the lust, the need, the passion... I want Oli to grab me, to pull me to devour me, to be ready to fuck me right here, to kiss me like he'll never kiss again.

Tears of frustration well up behind my closed eyelids.

In an attempt to get all those things out from him, I do what I did to Lex. I lick his lips, bite them, undulate... When his hands don't move, I grab them and set them on my ass, like Lex did, to show him what I need from him. But they barely stay there, quickly moving back up to my waist.

When, finally, they do something, it's to gently push me away. "Andy," he calls into our kiss. "Andy, we're there."

My blood freezes, making an icy chill run up my back. What the fuck am I doing?! Stunned, I push myself away from him and sit on my side of the car, avoiding his amber eyes. I never, ever, acted like this before, or used someone like I just did. Lex has fucked up my brain so badly that I've turned into a careless asshole. I just gave Oliver the impression I'm into him when, in all truth, I'm as clueless as when the whole date started.