fountainhead

3 a. foibe (a.k.a. gertie)

i am such a fortunate person. you know how sometimes one thinks that love is there for everybody else except one self... well, those were my thoughts too. for years and years – even though i have lived such a cherished life. (i had always been my daddy’s darling; he loved me so much that i could never doubt his love, no matter what.) since mother died so many years ago, i had been everything to him and more. it took some time, but eventually i got to understand his needs, after all, all men have them, mother said. when he was taken from me so suddenly,  i thought it was the end of my world. but then i met the love of my life, the one person who could fill the empty space that my daddy left, in a sense. (i go down on my knees every night to thank the dear lord for his mercy. if he did not send me my love, i dread to think where i may have ended up. and all alone.) i love my husband more than life itself. to be perfectly honest, i am not quite sure why he loves me so very much, he being younger than i am, too and so much smarter. and he is so dreadfully good looking! but he does love me, i know that. he is grateful when his paintings sell to friends who attend his exhibitions at our beautiful home. and i do love arranging these little bashes for him. of course he is perfectly clever about inviting his young friends too; pretty girls attract guests that matter, the 'right' guests, as he has explained to me many times. (of course they do. it has the same logic as when he said foibe suits me better as a name for his wife than gerty; it really does too, it is more sophisticated and exotic!) when he comes to my bed after a successful and mind blowing evening, my cup  overflows, in more ways than one. it is just that right now i am slightly worried about our finances. they are nearly depleted, although he does not know that; i do not wish to worry his attractive, young head with such trivialities. he may be upset slightly and we cannot have that, now can we? i will remind him later that all he needs to do is paint and sell his paintings. maybe the bank will commission a painting for their new building. i hope so. things will sort themselves out, i'm sure.