fountainhead

2 f. geena

i want to leave this one horse town. i want to go to her and live with her in the city. i want to show her how the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. i want to show her that i too have her talent for design and tailoring and that i have my own fashion sense. (look at me; i turn heads where i go!) but if she wanted me with her, she would have taken me when she left, years ago. instead she took only gerard. why? why my brother and not me? how could she do that? how could she leave a six year old behind? how did she decide whom to take or was there never even a question about that in her mind? i knew there was something wrong when i got home that day after school. i knew when i saw sadie waiting inside the gate in the bloody sun, that something bad had happened. i knew it with a certainty that gave me goose bumps even in that heat and i knew with clarity that something was incredibly wrong and it was going to change the rest of my life in the worst way. i remember looking at sadie and her eyes were so filled, the tears seemed to jump out of them and land far from her face; i looked in fascination at the huge drops in the dust at our feet. and at how they evaporated in an instant. i remember the chain link fence to my left and i vaguely registered claudia reaching her own house's veranda, turning to me in the shade and waving, shouting something that, to this day, i cannot recall. i even remember nodding. by this time sadie had crouched in front of me and she took my hands, one in each of her big, warm ones and she kissed them. first my right and then my left hand, on the back of them. during all this time she never said a word. her wide mouth smiled through those weird tears and her smooth skin was the colour of my mother's leather handbag, a rich, moist brown. her teeth large and white and familiar. she walked me up the six polished red steps that are now chipped and dull. she led me straight to my bedroom and opened my cupboard door. there were five perfectly made little dresses hanging neatly. just for me.