𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

Part 13

(Listen to the song and read)

Friday

11:34am

I put on my black dress, my hair and my makeup all done. My eyes still watering. My mum comes in and gives me a hug,
"It'll be okay baby, we're gonna be okay, I promise to be strong for you." She says in my ear.
I feel like I'm about to cry again but I keep it in,
"Everywhere I go, it just reminds me of him, every morning he'd come in and pull the covers off me to wake me up, tell me my breath stinks, when he'd take me on drives...... he told me he was going to teach me how to drive."
I start crying towards the end.
"He's in our hearts baby, he exists in our memories." She says holding back her tears.
"The cars waiting."
She tells me, I nod and we both walk down together.

There the man stands, holding the door for me and my mum. We climb inside, all I could do was look through the window, and remember how me and Derek would play racing games with the rain drops. He was going to become a famous actor, and win an Oscar. I feel a hand on my shoulder and my mother looks at me and smiles, I smile back at her.

-

12:00pm

We arrive, with the rest of our family, I see all my cousins, my aunties, my uncles and my grandma. I walk over to my grandma and she gives me a big hug,
"He's with grandad now, he'll look after him." She tells me as I cry in her arms. My older cousin, Harvey, closest to Derek looks over at me and gives me a hug also, everyone's crying, everyone's upset I just never thought it would be Derek. I look around for Kate and finally spot her she's standing alone smiling at me, I know she's trying to hold it in, I try to hold her but she ends up on the floor.
"He'll always be with you, and with me." I say to her.
"I know, I know." She says through sighs and I help her back up.
"Did Christian come?" She sniffs.
"I don't know." I say.

My older cousin, Harvey comes over and shows me his new born baby,
"He's beautiful." I whisper.
"We named him Derek." He tells me.
"No you didn't" I say about to cry again.
"It's my honour to name him after my child." He cries.
"Derek would have loved this." I say.
Harvey then speaks to Kate, about Derek and how he was when he was a baby.

My mum signals for all of us to walk into the funeral, we all did, I held Kate's hand. It was beautiful, it was a picture of Derek holding a camera, surrounding by flowers and letters and gifts. His coffin then got brought out as we all sat down, when I saw his coffin, it didn't feel like him... it was now only a body in a box. My brother was more than this, he deserved more.

We waited 10 more minutes for it to finally start, there stands the clergy saying his speech, and kind words. I looked over to my right and imagined it was Christian walking in, but I was wrong. I haven't spoken to him and he hasn't spoken to me, I feel horrible.

After the clergy stopped speaking, a video combination of Derek when he was a baby, playing his bike, helping my mum cook, teaching me how to ride my bike, getting his first medal, videos of him and Kate, videos of me and him on drives started playing to the song Philadelphia by Neil Young.. one of my brothers favourite songs. I started crying again trying to contain myself around people. Then it came up to a video of Christian and Derek, my mother didn't want him in the videos but I knew Derek would have wanted him to be in it. It was a video of Christian and Derek playing football in the garden when they were only 7, laughing with each other, I just wish that Christian was here to see this. I know he would have wanted to be here. It's so sad that Derek had no clue what was going to happen to him, that poor little happy boy on the screen.. he didn't even realise he would die at the age of 21. He looked after me, cared about me and protected me, and now I have to live a life without him in it. I look over to Kate who is silently crying, I'm worried about her... she told me she wouldn't be able to live without him.. and now she has to.

After the videos are finished, my mother steps up and wipes her tears,
"Derek, you were my son, my light, my joy, my soul... and now for an unknown reason god called you to be with him. I know you'll be okay up there, just watch down on me will you? I promise I won't embarrass you but there was this one time when I found Derek covered in mud, although I thought it was"
my mother giggled to herself.
"I smelt this horrible smell... it was poo. Dogs mess, and I was so shocked that he didn't even realise it was dog mess... i go 'Derek why are you covered in poo?' He turns to me and laughs 'because I saw some other dog do it' that's when I knew for sure I was in for a treat with this young human being. " my mother stopped before carrying on.
"Derek, I will miss you. You were gone too soon, and if I could have one day back with you... boy would I do anything. Rest in peace baby boy." My mother says and puts her hand on his coffin, before walking away.

My mother looks at me signalling me it's time for me to say a few words. I take in a deep breath before standing up and walking to the front. I smile at everyone nervously,

"My brother wanted to be an actor, he always said how much he had the dream to be in a Hollywood movie, with Leonardo Dicaprio or, Robert de Niro, and he always told me id be with him no matter what. I believed him, I believed he was a gift from god that only happens once in a lifetime, he was a precious soul.. kind even. Yes we had arguments but we loved each other, I'm sorry Derek that you were taken so soon from my arms, who am I going to do my drives with? my hair training with? who is going to be there to protect me? I know, your telling me to shut up and stop complaining like usual. You were my second half, Derek. I'll see you soon, I know you'll be waiting for me. Til we meet again."
I say through tears and laughter reminiscing on the good times. I turn around to run into my mothers arms,
"Touch his coffin baby, say goodbye." She whispers.
I walk over to his coffin and lay my hand on the coffin,
"Anything you want to say?" My mum asks me.
"He knows" I say holding back tears.

-

5:45pm

Me and mother were watching baby videos of Derek, we dropped Kate off, she seems bad. That's when I hear the post come through the mail box. I walk over to get it, it's a letter from Los Angeles Hospital, I hide it from my mother because she don't need to get angry right now.

I run upstairs and open it up.

Dear Emily,

I'm so sorry this happened, I love you forever. I know I can't ask for your forgiveness, but I want you to know that every moment I spent with your brother was joy, he was one of a kind. I know your mother blames me, I blame myself. I hope your doing well, I hope to hear from you soon.

Christian.

It's not his fault, it's no one's fault. I understand that they were after Christian, but it was going to happen either way. I just don't think it's suitable to have Christian round me anymore... for my mothers sake. I love him, god I love him but it just won't work.