Everything Has Changed

I'm Thinking Of Ending Things

August 12th 2023
Kansas City, Missouri

She had read the tabloids, and they hadn't been kind. but was there an element of truth smothered in there. She reread what the articles had said, staring at each sentence and syllable as if it was the gospel. They had included photos as well, a selection of images of Travis and Donna at the aquarium in Kansas City two days before with Luna. Being a dad suited him, a role that he was made for. So many people doubted he would be a good father. No one in their inner circle thought so, but the media had. Speculating that his immature antics and drunken outbursts were a sign that maybe he just wasn't ready for fatherhood just yet, or maybe never at all. He had a different temperament to his brother, but this was only in public. Behind closed doors Taylor saw the man that his whole family had always seen. The guy who was the sweetest man she had ever met. Who would constantly check that she was ok, and block out any outside noise that tried to infiltrate her mind. 

Travis had practise that day and so it was just a mommy and Luna day. Whilst the tabloids were all speculating about her whereabouts and what state of life she was in, Taylor had no motivation whatsoever to play into their games of speculation. It was her life and she was going to live it her own way. Travis had already left for practice by the time Taylor woke up. Luna was going through the four month sleep regression and it was tiring both of them out. Taylor didn't know how many times she had been awake in the night trying to console their daughter, who would only scream and scream for hours. And the worst part was that her favourite person wasn't there: her daddy. Luna had grown into more and more of a daddy's girl by the day, immediately settling for her dad unless she was hungry. Everything was better when daddy did it. It made her dread getting out of bed, because she knew that Travis was going to be gone for a large portion of the day. He had a long morning and short afternoon session that day and then an afternoon session tomorrow, leaving the pair of them very little time with Travis for the upcoming days. 

Glancing over at the clock, she noticed that it had gone past 10am. She peered over at a note that was left for her on the nightstand. Picking it up she read over it, glancing at the sweet loops of Travis' handwriting.

Morning T,

Sorry I had to leave for practice but I didn't want to wake you. I know you were up a lot of the night with Princess Luna. I tried to give her a bottle before I left but she didn't drink a lot of it. Try and have a good day, I'll try to be home as early as I can.

Love You xx

She smiled down at the note, taking advantage of the head start on the morning, well what was left of the morning, stretching and getting up to go downstairs. She popped a pod into their coffee machine, scrolling through her phone as she waited for the coffee to drip down into her waiting cup. Nursing a mug of steaming coffee in one hand, and her phone in another, she mad her way over to the stove to make a start on some breakfast. She had been trying to eat slightly healthier seeing as it can be a potential way to help postnatal depression. At this point she was trying anything to change the DNA. But as she cracked the eggs into the pan, her peace was disturbed when she heard cries come through on the baby monitor she had on her phone. She sighed, pressing the button on the speaker.

"It's ok Lulu, mommy's coming."

She set her coffee down on the table in the living room before leaving to attend to the now screaming baby in their bedroom. When she got round to her side of the bed where luna's bassinet was, her heart broke. Her little girl was obviously incredibly over tired, having not slept properly in the past two days. She used to be a very happy baby. She breastfed well, took her naps without any trouble and whilst she had always been a daddy's girl, she was always content for a mommy cuddle in bed. But that wasn't working anymore. No matter what position she put luna is, she wasn't latching on. She was showing signs that she was hungry, chewing at her hands and rooting  her head from side to side in an effort to find a food source. Travis had used up the last fresh expressed bottle she had in the fridge and it would take her a while to defrost any that they had stored in their freezer. She sighed, wishing and praying that this was all a dream. She wanted the ground to swallow her up and take her to a place of peace. Her mind was in constant conflict. The paranoia and anxiety in her worried every single second whether she was ok. Was there something wrong with her for her to be crying this much, was she sick? But the overarching desperation and despair was so strong that she just felt numb. There was no feeling other than grey.