home (Kiss Of Life x Male Y/N)

chapter 13 - never let me go. ever.

"You say you're so sure? Sure that you're in love? How can you know it? You think love is so simple?"

Hm.

A quote like that ran through my head as I laid asleep, well. I knew that I was.

I awoke to the ceiling, ever so dark, hints of light seeping through from cars that passed by.

To be sure, that book I read the quote from was pretty, reality assuring.

I mean, why is it always that word?

"Love"

Like what is it really?

I'm aware of its definition and I know how it feels but why?

Why does it have to run through my mind every, single, time?

Am I overcompensating it, overusing it for the sake of my own feelings, to make sure that maybe, just maybe that I just can't feel anything sometimes?

Fuck.

Goddamn it.

God fucking-

Why does it always have to be me?

Why me?

Why wasn't I normal?

Like the rest of the kids?

Why did I put myself in this position?

I could've been popular, maybe had more friends and I wouldn't have had to move here, but I don't want that.

Yet I do.

I sat up in my bed, glancing to the side a bit to see a empty spot where the blanket hasn't moved in a while

Oh.

Right.

Suze is working late tonight.

I crumpled up my legs towards my chest as I laid naked in my bed.

My head laid in between the empty space, wrapping my arms around my knees while I contemplated.

Was I to wallow, to spit on my own grave within my own head of repetitive emotions, thoughts.

It comforted me that I was able to think for myself, to try to understand these, complicated overviews but yet I couldn't.

Like a rubix cube, struck inside a hellbound heart encased in its obscurity that even I wouldn't even try to figure it out.

I figured things out with Suzy, Belle, Jules.

But not myself.

Jisung was right, I've been ready all along but I've been so fucking scared of everything, that- that I've just locked myself away in this little solitary prison in my own fucking head that I'm just seeing myself as this- this-

Soulless existence.

I had felt a drop fall onto my knee.

Unaware that I had fallen to cry.

I wiped my cheek with a finger, feeling the wet tear on it.

I looked at it, my tears continuously flowing down

Y/N - sto- stop.

Going on and on, I kept wiping till my fingers were drenched, then onto my hands.

The palms that were ever so soft, had fallen to the tender cries of a pitiful human being, that was me.

I can never understand why they chose me.

Y/N - s- stop pl- please-

I started to sob.