Time after time

Echame la culpa

Noah POV

The morning of the super twins party, I woke up alone in my room at my parents' house. We had been back, Elle and me, in LA for 2 weeks. Lee, who had broken up with Lucie at the end of his school year, was in a mode of : I'm enjoying my bestie to the fullest. Looks like he was trying to make up for lost time since their argument last year. In addition, Mike had insisted that Elle come back to live with him and Brad until the wedding, much to my astonishment and annoyance. So, between my brother and my future father-in-law, I had little opportunity to spend time alone with my fiancée. And even one evening when I managed to kidnap Elle following a dinner at her father's house, we were intercepted by my mother on the stairs to my room for wedding reception details. I had to take several deep breaths to keep from screaming.

Faced with this situation, I decided to go for Elle's birthday to a place where no one will be able to join us. No marriage questions, no dating proposals, and no family dinners. I remember the implied look from Mike and Linda when I went to pick Elle up from their house the morning of departure. I hadn't told Elle where we were going and she kept bugging me the whole way to find out. When we arrived at the port of Long Beach, she said to me :
-Are you taking me on a cruise?
-For 4 nights with a stop at Catalina Island and Ensenada in Mexico. And meanwhile, I'm not sharing you with anyone." I said to her, placing a few kisses on her neck.

So I left with an excited Shelly for a 4-day cruise. I have never been so excited to see Long Beach Harbor disappear into the distance. The first evening after a 3-course dinner (or rather 5 courses in my case, not having been able to make my choice between the filet mignon and the langoustine dish, as well as between the crème brûlée and the chocolate fondant cake) brief we had eaten well and I suggested to Elle that we walk on the deck to see the sunset. After a few minutes of walking, she said to me :
-Thank you for this birthday present, Noah. I really appreciate these moments!
-It makes me happy, my Shelly! And it's just begun.
-I know I don't deserve you to be so intentional towards me!
-What?" I exclaimed, looking at Shelly who had her eyes full of tears.

But what just happened, I asked myself? I didn't think I'd make her cry like that! She slipped into my arms and burst into tears. All the worst scenarios played out in my head. Why doesn't she deserve this time I spend with her? Has she decided to change her mind about marriage? She is pregnant? Did she cheat on me with someone else?

There was no point in creating catastrophic scenarios before I knew what was happening.
-Shelly talk to me, you scaring me?
-I wanted to fight this Noah. I really tried but I can't.
- What?" I asked her, caressing her cheek.
-Not trying to make everyone around me happy!" she said to me, bursting into tears again, pressing herself against my chest.

That was it! The same problem as last summer and the one that led to our breakup.
-I tried to tell Lee that I can't go with him to all the activities he has planned for our birthday and until our wedding. But, he told me that it was the last summer that we could have together and that we had seen very little of each other since I spent the winter in Boston. I felt so guilty. Then my father insisted a lot that I live with them until wedding since these are the last moments that we can have as a small family. And finally, Linda asked me that we spend a lot of time together to get to know each other. She wants to teach me how to cook and stuff like that. It's very nice but it ends that I don't even have time to see you anymore.
-Shelly, I'm not going to hide the fact that I would really like to spend more time with you! But, I don't want to put more pressure on you than you already have.
-You are the only person right now who doesn't put pressure on me, Noah. So my instinct is to make you wait but what I realize is that our relationship is the most important in my life.
-Elle, the fact that you see these things and that you are ready to talk to me about them is already a big change compared to last year.
-But, I'm still incapable of saying no.
-Elle, say no to the things you want to say no to. One thing that was really important to me when we first started dating was that you never find yourself in a situation where you're forced to do things you don't want to do. If you don't want to go out with Lee, tell him. If you don't want to learn to cook with Linda, make that clear. If you need time away from your dad to do other things, create boundaries.