UNCHANGEABLE - FREENBECKY

the bridge

it was a mistake being near becky for that long.

it was a mistake indulging herself too much in the other woman's presence.

it was a mistake because freen can't stop thinking about her. it's like there is an endless obsession of becky crashing into her.

becky.

becky.

becky.

freen can't stop the noise, can't stop the voices in her head.

it was an enormous mistake spending too much time together with them because freen's missing her so badly even when she's not supposed to.

it was a mistake because her brain is yet again flashing memories from a long time ago -- memories they shared. freen's all out and drowning in these memories. she's not even sure how to handle herself when she's having episodes like this.

it's like all the changes that happened in her life don't affect this aspect of herself -- couldn't affect anything becky-related.

whenever this happens, freen gets teleported to a specific joyful moment with becky. all the new things and new people disappear. her mind won't be able to tell anymore which is reality and memory.

so she'll stay there and be happy.

she'll live in that moment as long as she can, or as long as her brain permits her to.

because she can feel becky like she's really there, touching her.

because she can hear becky's voice whispering sweet things in her ear.

because she feels complete all over again with becky beside her.

it's unfair because once the effect wears off , reality would sink in. freen would need to face the truth that while becky is moving on with her life, she's stuck at where she is. she can't run away.

hell, why would she want to run away in the first place? becky's memory is her inner sanctuary, her safe haven.

since she was a child, it was hard for freen to deal with her episodes. it was noisy and chaotic, and unsettling. she was like that for years.

she doesn't have the will to live and the drive to do anything new.

she's just living because her body won't give up on her yet.

so she went on with her life, hoping one day her suffering would end.

but everything changed when she met becky. for the first time in years, freen finally found the first beautiful thing she got stuck on, the first thing that brought her peace, the first thing that made her feel complete.