UNCHANGEABLE - FREENBECKY

pussy mango

as time goes by, freen's days were filled with visits from becky, kade, emily, and occasional talks with namtan whenever they see each other in the hallway.

it still amazes freen how this is happening to her now. after her painful talk with becky two years ago, it never occurred to her she'll get the chance to see the woman again, especially not regularly.

and it's not simply seeing each other. becky is making an effort to visit, bring food, and help freen clean up and change. and whenever becky's shift is in the morning, her afternoon visits will always include the ever bubbly emily. they would usually end the day with the three of them sharing dinner together before the mother-and-child goes home.

freen's not sure if mew's absence during these times is good or not. because the longer this is happening, the closer emily gets to her. and becky, well, she is slowly letting her guard down.

it started during their first movie together one friday evening. mew was called for a surgical procedure in another town. becky and emily decided to stay for the night for some movies -- as requested by the latter.

of course, emily sits in between the adults. freen feels this is the safest position for the three of them. and she thinks becky feels the same as the latter always calls emily to sit back in the middle whenever the kid stands up or gets off the couch.

the movie's already halfway done when emily's arm, who's lying on freen's lap while watching, slides down. that's when she and becky realise the kid has fallen asleep and is already drooling on freen's pyjamas.

not wanting to wake up the sleeping kid, becky places a pillow in between emily's head and freen's leg. becky scoots closer, so emily's legs were on her lap.

it was awkward at first, but as soon as the tension settles down -- with the help of the comedy movie -- freem feels comfortable, contented, and satisfied.

freen strokes emily's side, and she's loving the feeling this simple setting brings her.this could have been her family if she hadn't given up before -- if she hadn't chosen SAU over becky.

this would have been hers if she fought a little for becky, if she had stayed that night in that hotel room.

it took her time to admit it to herself. but the reality is, as much as she loves becky, her burning desire to be part of SAU was much greater. and finding out that becky is enjoying the company of another person is an opportunity freen took to choose the path she'd always planned to take.that decision led her broken until now.

"you're having that faraway look again. you're thinking of something, aren't you?" becky places a hand over freen's. "if it's in any way related to the past, or your regrets, please drop it now. it won't help. it may cause you another attack."

freen's eyes stay on the sleeping kid.

"focus on the present, freen. live in the moment. that's the only way for you to have a better future."

freen looks ahead without saying a word. she wonders what the universe has in store for her future because the only thing she wants is the woman beside her and the kid on her lap.