Goodbye Kiss

35. The Letter

The Letter
Season 8 x 20
May, 2002:

i walked over to the admit desk.
everyone was gathered around and carter sat on top of the counter, reading out loud a letter.
"from mark?" i asked malik, he nodded his head.
it read about how beautiful hawaii was. he said no matter how much we don't believe it, all of us doctors and nurses are making a difference in other peoples lives. and even though as sad as it is working in a county hospital, we're doing great things. but then, carter flipped the page and a worried look plastered on his face.
"what is it?" susan said
teary eyed, i had a feeling what was coming next.
mark died early this morning.
the tear fell from my cheek, i quickly wiped it away.
i guess all these days you really take advantage of your time. really, we're all our own predators. this job is the evidence of that. i see people come in and die everyday. mark worked in this hospital for a decade and didn't realize he had a tumour.
it was sickening, unfair, i mean.

still i'm shock, i had collected myself.
"i don't know why i wear hoop earrings" susan sighed, entering the drug lockup.
"they look good on you"
"my patient though so, too"
i turned around
"i didn't think he'd be gone so soon" she smiled, wiping tears away from her face.
"he stopped his chemo"
"i know" i nodded, running a hand through my hair.
"it doesn't feel like he's gone though"
"i turn the corner and expect to see him cracking a joke or something" i smiled
"he was like the big mentor of the hospital"
"the work dad we didn't know we needed" i laughed
"i know" susan sighed, her eyes began getting teary again.
"what do you say, a couple of us are meeting up at the lava lounge for drinks"
"i'll be there" i shrugged
——
"trauma for you" susan smiled, pointing toward the man coming in from the ambulance bay.
a let out a sigh headed toward the trauma room.
when i took the neck brace off the man, i let out a gasp.
"what?" carter asked
"his neck is blowing up like a balloon"
i looked back at the monitor.
"no pulse ox" i said, shaking my head
"you need an airway"
"i can't treik him" carter shrugged
"i think you're gonna have to"
he shook his head "too many blood vessels"
i raised an eyebrow "you're gonna intubate?"
"let me try" he scowled
i got ready to bag
romano came in the room
"carter, why the hell doesn't this guy have an airway?"
"i can't treik him" he repeated
"gianna, can you be a doll and get me a ten blade?" romano smiled
i handed him the scalpel.
he cut the man's throat open and shoved a syringe through his throat.
"creative thinking, huh?"
"he's coming up with me" he singsonged
"and you're supposed to be the damn chief resident" he scoffed.
ouch.
———
it was later that night, i was sipping on my third cocktail. susan already downed a fishbowl margarita.
it was a testament to marks legacy. i know i didn't know him all that well but i got to know him. he'd easily become one of my favourite doctors. but, one thing i did know about him was the fact he didn't want us all to cry over him like a load of losers. instead, celebrate.
"you get drunk often?" luka asked
i sure was feeling the buzz.
i shrugged
"not that often" i smirked
"anymore, at least"
"we'll see what happens tonight" i winked
luka was a little tipsy himself. susan couldn't contain her laughter. she was flirting with the bartender, though.
"having fun?"
carter walked toward our table. i stood on my tippy toes and planted a kiss on his cheek, leaving a print from my lipstick.
"so you like me tonight?"
"not anymore" i scowled
he walked out the back door, however, to find abby.
i don't remember much of anything from that night. other than the fact that carter wasn't to be seen after that.
i woke up in my own bed and own clothes. i was even surprised to see that i washed off the old makeup on my face. good for drunk gianna, i guess.
6:00 shift, here we go.

"gianna" chen shouted
"can you go find carter?"
"i think he's at docs"
"what's happening?" i asked
"pratt a patient is coding"
i rubbed my eyes and sped walk across the street.
when i opened the door, there he sat with abby. they both looked like hell.
"you don't look so good" abby laughed
"carter, chen needs you back at the hospital"
i walked back toward the door
"you're on?" i heard abby cackle
"i've done it before" carter shrugged
i rolled my eyes, walking back toward the hospital.
i guess they crashed out at docs all night...
great.
——
"gianna" pratt panted
"yes?"
"i need your help"
he led me to an old lady
"i can't understand portuguese"
i listened to the lady
"that's italian" carter giggled
"perfect, you're italian, gianna"
"i don't speak fluently" i laughed
i listened to the lady. i couldn't really make out what she was saying since she was speaking so fast.
i thought for a second
"mi dica?"
she pointed to the boys cheek
i wiped the red substance off with my gloved finger.
"it's jam, pratt" carter smiled
"strawberry"
they both walked away.
i took a piece of gauze and wiped the rest of the jam off the boys face.
"uhh"
"suo?"
"cibo?"
she gave me a confused face.
i pointed to the boy "him"
"non"
"ferire"
"ohhh" she smiled, wiping the jam off his face.
"thank you, nurse" she made out
"of course" i smiled
i patted the boys head
"ciao" i shrugged
——
i was finally almost done my shift. although, another trauma was coming in.
i stood outside with a yellow trauma gown on.
"what's coming in?" carter asked from behind me.
"gunshot wound to the face"
"yikes"
he tied the back of the gown for me.
i did the same for his.
"thanks" he muttered
"this guy is gonna look like chop steak"
"if i ever had an appetite before this, it's definitely gone now" i smiled
he looked at his feet
"sorry" he whispered
"too much has gone down these last few days to think about anything" i smiled
"what's that supposed to mean"
"i'm fine with you right now if that's what you want to hear"
"what about in let's say;"
"what? an hour?"
"that's what i was thinking"
"i guess we'll find out" i smiled

——bonus: marks funeral:
i walked across a long pathway, and the er staff gathered together. today was the day of mark greene's funeral.
it was weird. my shift last night was weird, so was the day before it.
i don't know. it felt unfair. unfair for mark, elizabeth, jenn, rachel, ella. it wasn't right.
when you're on the other side of things, i mean taking care of people who're on the cusp of death, you just think about the mechanics. you think about how many units of blood need to be put in, or what sorts of pain meds you're pushing, breath sounds, eye movements. you don't think about the fact of losing someone. the unjustifiable feeling families are left to feel. how, day is still moving by even though you're not. it's an emptiness i haven't really empathized about until now. it's weird sitting on this side of things, grieving someone you loves death.
i took off my sunglasses, wiping a tear away from my face.
——
i stood behind abby and carter, they told elizabeth a few words before walking off.
i stood beside her, wrapping her in a hug. susan waited behind me.
"elizabeth, i'm so sorry" i said
"i know you've probably heard it a lot today"
"but, if you ever need anything at all, give me a call"
"i mean it, i'm here for you"
"thank you, gianna"
"i can't imagine how unfair this must feel"
"i feel selfish" she shrugged
i shook my head "you're allowed to feel that way"
"you're allowed to grieve"
"allow yourself to have time" i whispered
she nodded her head.

a/n: omg i remember the very first time i watched on the beach. it literally made me sob like a baby. i still can't power through that episode. also, i am still angry for them killing off mark. he literally was the best. the show definitely took a turn without him. i hope you enjoyed this part, regardless. also, sorry for only writing a one shot for marks funeral, i don't know why i never even wrote one originally in the first place. hope you all have a good day!!