тнιѕ ιѕ αℓℓ fσя υ (open request)

farewell

My feelings towards you have always been a rollercoaster of hate, love, and care—a tangled knot of emotions. I don't even know how to feel about you anymore. Do I love you? Do I resent you? Do I accept you fully as a human? I don't know; I can't bring myself to give any answer.

I'm just the last leaf falling from your tree, the final thought on your mind, the forgotten responsibility. Unsure if you love me, my birthday unnoticed, hugs and affection never given. In countless ways, I harbor hatred, for you were never there. Now, without remorse, I openly declare: I hate you.

When thoughts of you arise, tears pay me an unwelcome visit. I lose control, succumbing to emotions I despise. Feeling weak and vulnerable in your presence, I detest this lack of control.

Acknowledging the hardships you've faced doesn't justify your actions. Do you even realize I'm struggling with depression? Do you know that thoughts of leaving this world have crossed my mind, with only a few reasons keeping me tied to it?

If I were to speak of all the injustices you've subjected me to, the sea would overflow with my grievances. But I've always opted to bottle it up until I reach my breaking point. And just like that, restraint turns into sorrow, sorrow morphs into tears and sobs, until I feel as if I can't breathe.

Do you even understand why I despise myself, why every aspect of me is loathsome? Just knowing I was once connected to you is enough to fuel my self-loathing.

I could effortlessly fill an entire book with hatred, yet when I attempted to recall things I love about you, I found myself at a loss. Struggling to summon even the slightest memory, I eventually set the pen aside and stared blankly at the paper for far too long.

The only memories I have of you are giving me a name and accompanying me to a few playdates. I suppose it's time to bid our relationship farewell, for it was never destined to thrive.

Goodbye. It was pleasant meeting you, but it was never easy living with you.