Timeless (Niam)

sιxтεεη

~A/N: Hi guys! It's been really warm here recently, so I'm really in the summer mood, which is great for this story, as I want to be quite summery and refreshing. However, this chapter is not. Sorry in advance. Hope you guys are good  :)

Song recommendation: Wait- M83

~

I never really got letters. Of course, the monthly bills were posted through my letterbox frequently, but postcards or handwritten letters were a rarity. I guess they seemed a little outdated, but I preferred pieces of nostalgia if I was honest. This was proved by the fact that my bedroom walls were covered in photos, tickets, and my favourite CD album covers. But the rare letters made me very happy.

This one was different.

This seemed impossible; how could a deceased person send a letter? 

The answer became clear when I picked the letter up from the hotel reception two days after my conversation with Jayce. 

I took it up to my room, taking care to not damage it in the slightest. As I sat on the bed, I realised the full impact this single letter could have. It was the last thing I had from my mother, and the only thing she would have left behind aside from her possessions inside the house. I had no idea what this envelope could contain, whether the combination of words would wash me over with tears of joy or sadness. And although my reaction could be anything, I was fully aware that my curiosity would not be satisfied if the envelope remained open. 

So with a single tear at the the top, I opened the ivory envelope and drew a white sheet of paper from inside it. The words were written in my mother's past scribbled handwriting, with circled 'i's' instead of dotted ones.

Dear Niall,

You may be wondering how this letter is possible, but I will answer that now. 

I gave this letter to my best friend who works at the post office, and made sure that she would send it to you once I was gone. 

I am so sorry that you had watch the illness take effect on me.

The what?! My brain was puzzled in shambles, what illness?! I continued reading.

I didn't want you to see me in my last days, I wanted you to remember me as I was, not how cancer made me be.

Cancer. Cancer killed my mum. How. What. Why. My emotions were in waves of surprise, heartache, and complete hopelessness, my heart throbbing violently in my chest. Tears were welling in my eyes, cascading from my eyes in rivers.

I know that the day I told you was most probably horrible, and I'm sorry.

But she never had the chance to tell me.

This letter is a final goodbye. Because I fear that I didn't tell you what I wanted to before I died. So I just want to say a few things. First of all, please remember me as I was before cancer hit me. Remember when you were younger and I twirled you in the air at the park. Remember your tenth birthday; we went to France and Disneyland. You're such an amazing person, Niall. Please don't let this get in the way of living your life as you deserve it.  I want you to have the best life possible, that's all I want. And for God's sake, hang on to the people you love. Jayce, your sister. They love you almost as much as me, and care about you so much. Also, I want you know that I am very sorry. I am so sorry if I wasn't there when you needed me, when I had to leave you at Jayce's mum's house because I was working two jobs. I am so sorry that I missed parts of you growing up because I was off working, but know that I meant the best. I did it for you. And I would never regret it, I just want you to have the best life possible. So I want you to one thing for me.

Try your best. 

I know you will grow up to be an amazing person, but if you are kind and caring, and work hard, trust me, it will come a lot easier. 

And the last thing: I love you. I know you've heard it all before, but I can't ever tell you enough. I love you so much, Niall. And I am so sorry that I had to go so soon and left you, and I will never be able to see you get married, or see my grandchildren, if  you choose to have kids. I am so sorry. But just know that if I had the choice, I would have stayed. Trust me, I would have stayed. 

I love you more than you can imagine, 

Your mother. 

I had no idea how I was feeling. All I knew was that my mother died in a car crash, but was on the verge of dying because she had cancer. I never knew until this letter, and if it weren't for the car crash, I would have. I didn't see her on a hospital bed with the life being drenched out of her, for which I was grateful, but I didn't get to say goodbye, and that was a dagger in the heart. 

The letter was now discarded on my bed as I lay in tears, sobbing violently into my arms. Thoughts were rushing through my mind almost so fast I couldn't process them. 

I felt an ache in my head before falling asleep with tears drenching my pillow.