Jennie's not at home, so I let myself in and make my way upstairs to my old room. After sitting on the bed for an eternity and ignoring Massive Attack's Angel, I finally drag myself up and have a long shower. Under the hot spray, I soap everywhere, running the sponge absentmindedly all over my body and pausing when I reach my stomach. I feel devoid of any emotion. There are no natural motherly instincts in me that make me want to caress my tummy. I've never given motherhood a second thought. I'm too young, and I have a flourishing career to concentrate on. This life changing decision shouldn't be made for me. She had no right to do this. But she had no right to claim me so aggressively, yet she did. She has no right to dictate what I wear, but she does. And she has no right to trample all over my life with her overbearing, unreasonable and challenging ways... but she does. And I let her. I fight her on many things, but she mostly gets her way. Not on this, though. I have accepted many things where Lisa is concerned, but I realize now that I absolutely cannot accept this. And I won't.
I remove myself from the shower and dry myself off before crossing the landing to my room. Looking down at my phone, I see just one missed call since I last cleared the screen. I'm surprised, but then it vibrates in my hand. It's a text message.
I can't be without you Roseanne.
I sigh midland and shake my head, but I don't reply because I really don't know what to say.
I don't bother drying my hair or putting on lotion. I throw on a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants, and crawl into the cold sheets of my old bed. It's hard, it's lumpy and it hasn't got Lisa in it, but I'm on my own, and it's where I need to be right now.
* * *
I wake up to shouting—very loud shouting. It's quite dark, the only light a soft glow from the glass panel above my bedroom door. Pulling the sheets back, I slip out of bed and pad across my room, opening the door quietly.
'I said it's over!' Jennie screams. 'This isn't going anywhere!'
Oh shit, I shouldn't be listening to this, but my curiosity is getting the better of me. I can see Jennie's back down the hallway, and I pray the next person who I'm going to see will be Jimin. But it's not. It's Jisoo. My already aching heart takes a further nosedive for my troubled best friend. She doesn't know what she's doing.
'Jennie, come on.' Jisoo's voice is beseeching, and a little confused, which tells me she has no idea why Jennie is ending their relationship.
Relationship seems like a pretty strange word to use to describe their set-up, but past all of the jokes and casualness, is a connection I've never witnessed with Jennie and one of her partners. Not even with my brother. If they could get past all things Manor-ish, then I know they would be perfect for each other. I could kill my brother. And I could kill Jennie for being so stupid.
'Just go, Jisoo'. She stomps off across the landing, straight into the kitchen where she's obviously opening and slamming every cupboard door in sight. Then I see Jisoo follow her in.
'What's brought all this on?' she asks, 'What's changed?'
'Nothing!' There's a collection of further bangs before she's coming back out of the kitchen and marching into the lounge. I catch a glimpse of her pale face, looking no brighter than this morning. Her hair is still dull and scrapped into a ponytail. I know that expression. That's her stubborn, I'm-not-being-honest face. I could strangle her. Now I want Jisoo to leave so I can let loose on my wilful friend.
'Obviously something has!' Jisoo almost laughs, but it's a nervous laugh. It's a laugh that clearly indicates worry. This just confirms my thoughts. Jisoo really does like Jennie. A lot.
