Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {51} Antonio

I felt trapped in my own body. I could not move a single limb no matter how long I tried, it was as if my body had another controller. This had been going on for what felt like begrudging, non-stop hours until I would fall asleep and not be conscious anymore.

Light fingers brushed my forehead as the sensation I could only feel from a single woman gently tickled my stomach. It was Destiny. What was she doing here? Where was I?

"Nio, if you can hear my voice please wake up. I almost lost you today, please wake up, what would become of me if you left me?" I could hear the brokenness in her voice as she pleaded with me to wake up but did she not know that I wished to wake up but it was beyond my comprehension?

"Nio, please just move a finger and I will take that as a sign that you can hear me," she said further as the tingles came back to my stomach. She was holding my hand.

It took all the might I could muster and a lot of focus until I finally moved my hand only a pinch enough for her to notice as I prayed that the Lord would make her see what she longed to see.

A gasp escaped her lips as her gentle lips made contact with my fingers, "You moved a finger," a year dropped on my eyelid and like a glue that was keeping my eyes shut, my eyes slowly opened.

"Nio, Nio? Let me call the doctor!"  she rushed out but I could barely see her.

"Mr D'Angelo? This is truly a miracle!" The doctor exclaimed, by now my eyes were open though aching as I took in my surroundings, I was at the hospital with all sorts of machinery hocked up to my chest and a breathing mask which left me feeling constrained.

My throat felt as dry as a desert on a scolding hot day. 

The nurse removed my mask as she helped me take the smallest sips that my throat allowed me to take with a straw the doctor asked me questions about my condition but I couldn't care less about any of those. My mind kept on reminiscing about Destiny. Was I making things up and she wasn't here in the first place?

I mean, why would she be here in the first place? She had said that she wanted nothing to do with me and I don't blame her and it would be best if she stayed away from me. She deserved all the good in this world, and I couldn't possibly give her all of that. She was a rare and precious jewel, not made for my impure hands.

"Nio?"

"Destiny?" And there she was, right in front of my eyes. Her hair was longer than when I had last seen her. She had bags under her eyes and looked to have lost significant weight. What had happened in my unconscious state?

"I can't b-believe you are here," she stuttered as she slowly approached my bed.

It all felt like I was watching a movie in slow motion. Everything was happening in slow motion yet it was the fastest thing ever as she was in my arms in a blink of an eye.

My once immobile hands were now wrapped around her now slim figure.

What was going through her mind? What had happened to me? Was she still angry at me? Did she still want nothing to do with me?

Deep in the pits of my heart, I prayed that she had forgiven me and we could have what we had had before. 

"I thought I had lost you," she said as she wept her tears, moving her body from my chest. "Oh my, was I hurting you?" She asked looking at the tubes attached to my chest.

I shook my head no as my voice was still shaky.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

"You are a living testimony of the Lord's goodness. The doctors had said you would not live to see today because your cancer had spread beyond control and the therapy wasn't working but now I can say that I have seen that the Lord's power is perfected in our weaknesses. You were in a coma for three months without response so I just want to know that the Lord saved you."

I had been in a coma for three months? That was why the doctor had said it was truly a miracle and said he would check on me every hour and monitor what he described to be a "rapid" healing process.

Thank you, Lord, for granting me another chance to live to declare your goodness. To be quite honest, I thought that this cancer would be the end of me, the end of my life, the end of everything I knew to be life but what you said, you have done.

2 Corinthians 5:6-7

6 Therefore we are always full of courage, and we know that as long as we are alive here on earth we are absent from the Lord –

7 for we live by faith, not by sight.

I remembered the verse and a tear slid down my cheek because of the mercy that the Lord had shown me. It was simply beyond words and reminded me of the time He had given His only begotten Son for us.

Destiny's gentle thumb wiped my tears.

I was about to ask about where we stood but her soft finger was on my lips in no time as she shook her head and put a finger on her lips as she held my hand and that silenced me and I decided to relish in the beautiful moment.

But that's when Giovanni burst into the room.

"Brother!" His boisterous self shouted as she ran to hold me in a tight and emotional embrace. As much as I disliked his obnoxious self, I was more than grateful that he was with me at that moment.

****

It's been a week since I was discharged leaving behind awe-struck doctors and nurses who said had witnessed such a miracle.

What they thought would cause my death had suddenly disappeared the moment I woke up. My organs were fully functional as though they had not shut down before. I was as healthy as an ox and all the praise and glory went to the Lord.

It was because of Destiny's steadfast faith in the Lord that the Lord had listened and showed us His mercy and love.

"Are you comfortable enough?" Destiny's melodic voice pulled me back into the physical world.

"Yes, thank you," I responded as she adjusted the pillow supporting my head even though it was totally unnecessary.

I was afraid to address her by "amore" because I didn't know where to stand. Every time I tried to bring up the conversation, she would always divert from the topic or stop me mid-way.

As she occupied herself with opening the blinds of my bedroom, refilling my jar of water and nearly packing my clothes into the wardrobe which was surprisingly speck and span, perhaps Giovanni had hired someone to clean the place up because it was clean.

"Destiny?"

"I'm still trying to open your windows," she said, pulling on my window handles.

"Destiny?"

"Wait, I'm almost done," she was trying to shy away from the topic again it I would not allow her to.

"Destiny, come and sit down! We need to talk!" I raised my voice a bit, compelling her to sit next to me, leaving some visible distance between the two of us.

"Destiny, where do you stand with us? Where do We stand? Are you still standing on your decision? Is it all over?"

A second ticked, and another ticked and just as I was about to ask her again, she started speaking.

"Nio, the time you were in the hospital was honestly the worst time of my life. The doctors were saying you wouldn't make it but somehow I had faith that you would make it but each passing day without any progress from you, left me in a depressive period. My faith was dwindling day by day and I realised that if anything happened to you and you lost the fight of sickness, it would be my breaking point because I was hanging on by a thread," she turned to look at me. "And in those moments, I realised that I still loved you. I never stopped loving you. You still held my heart, I was just too angry to acknowledge my own heart. I won't lie, you hurt me but despite that, my heart yearns for you and only you. I love you, Nio and I think we can give US a second chance."

A tear rolled down her cheek.