A Court of Wind and Song

31: Heir

Leur

"Is Feyre not going to be concerned that you didn't come home last night?" I asked, redoing my ponytail as we walked through the caves.

"I told her what we're doing." Rhys shrugged, "Unlike you."

"Let's not bring up the topic of keeping secrets from our mates, Rhys." I shot him a look, "Piss me off and I'll make you carry me again."

Rhys kicked a larger rock out of our way, the caves sloping upwards now, away from the underground river we had winnowed across about a mile ago. I could hear it rushing behind us, a roaring that grew quieter and quieter with each step we took.

"I didn't mind that." My brother spoke, the words just a whisper in the echoing rocks.

I furrowed my brows at him, "Mind what?"

"Carrying you." His voice grew quiet, "It reminded me of when you were little, and you used to make me carry you around Velaris because your feet were tired."

The sadness in his voice nearly made me trip over my feet, "I'm not little anymore, but you can carry me around Velaris whenever you want."

"It's not about that." He breathed, "It's about you needing help and running to me for it."

There was a sharp pain in my heart. Some old wound that had ripped open long ago, an ancient thing that had formed before my memories truly had, thirty years of little cuts and bruises that had amassed to a gaping hole that had never truly closed. My father's constant rejection and resentment, the desperation I felt for Rhys to save me that never came, my mother's quiet sadness and eventual death. It was an amalgamation of all of it, the loss and destruction of my family that occurred long before the King of Hybern got his claws in us.

And in the aftermath of everything, there was only Rhys and I left. Those siblings who had visited our mother's grave, ignoring the poorly stitched tears in our relationship. That was what all this was about, the nightly flights, siding with me, following me into these caves. Rhys was trying to heal those tears, and I was like a wild animal snapping when he got too close.

It was all I had ever known to do. A protective shield against the hurt I had felt watching him leave me with our father as a child. A barrier against all of those years I spent only allowing myself to break down on his birthday. I was used to losing him, over and over again, watching him leave me, leaving him.

Maybe, I thought it would hurt less if I kept him at arms length.

In my heart, I knew it wouldn't.

And despite everything, I knew when I had laid dying all those years ago, Rhys's name had been echoing in my head until the very end. And I knew that when I had lost every part of who I was, it was his name on Tamlin's mouth that had brought me back.

My brother, my favorite person in the whole world.

"Can I show you something?" I asked, my voice quiet.

Rhys stopped walking and turned to me, a sad shining of his eyes, "Anything. Anytime."

I took his hand, and I showed him those memories. I showed him the dreams I used to have those first years in Solarea, the echoes of voices I couldn't comprehend and blurred faces that seemed so familiar. I showed him that day in Adhira, that bench where I had regained myself across from Tamlin. I showed him the way I whispered his name, over and over. I showed him the memories of his face that cleared in my mind, the way my hands shook as I remembered his voice, the echo of his laugh in my shattered mind.

I showed him every moment afterwards that I wished he was there with me. No matter if I was on a battlefield or dancing at a ball, happy or sad, hurt or healed, alone or in a crowd full of people. How I'd cried on the day I was crowned Queen because I missed him so much, how badly I had wanted him to be in the audience that day, how much I had wanted to ask his advice as I learned how to rule a territory.