A Court of Wind and Song

43: Time

Azriel

Leur was running her fingers through my hair.

I had woken up to dim, multicolored sunlight light filtering in the room. All gold and red and blue, shining down over tattooed skin and soft white linens. Leur was already awake, her breathing even and her heartbeat steady under my cheek. And I was laying on her chest, my arms wrapped around her waist, her fingers running in slow strokes through my hair.

And for a moment, I just let it be.

I took in the moment for what it was, not the hellish conversation that was sure to come or the fact that we were essentially powerless against Acantha. No, I just let it be warm, let it be safe, let it be home.

And then Leur whispered, "I know you're awake."

My eyes were still swollen, the throbbing pain of my broken cheekbone still lingering from Cassian's punch, my shoulders tense with the reality that was slowly creeping in. And my mate, perfect in every way, just switched her ministrations from combing my hair to rubbing my shoulders.

And I loved it. I loved her touch, her comfort, her so much that it was physically painful to pull myself away.

But I had to.

Because I didn't deserve any of this.

I barely had a chance to sit up before violet eyes had turned from soft and loving to raging fires of hell, "Oh, so that's how you're going to do this?"

I just blinked over at her, "What?"

"You're going to push me away in some fucking self-pity, self-sacrificing bullshit." She spat.

"Leur-"

"No." She shook her head, her face going hard, "No. You don't get to push me away. You don't get to give that bitch exactly what she wants."

All I could manage was a weak, "I hurt you."

Pathetic coward.

Nothing.

I was nothing.

"And did you mean to?" She stood from the bed, standing in front of me.

My answer was a vow, a promise, "No. No, I would never. I would never lay a hand on you willingly."

She spread her arms wide, "Are you going to hurt me now?"

Pain sparked in my chest, but I found the strength to answer, to look up at her, hidden somewhere in some reserve I didn't even realize I had.

"No."

Truth-Teller appeared in her hand, bursting with black shadows as she shoved it into mine.

And then she kneeled on the ground before me and bared her neck.

Her words had lost all of their spark, their anger. They were numb and empty and lost as she asked, "Are you going to slit my throat, Azriel?"

Bile filled my mouth as my shadows hissed in disgust at the very idea of her words.

Wrong.

Warm blood on my freezing hands.

Wrong.

Lifeless golden eyes staring at me.

Wrong.

"Never."

"Do you think that you could?" She asked, "In your right mind, thinking clearly- could you ever look at me and wish harm upon me?"

And I looked down at her, the only woman I'd ever loved, the thing that mattered most to me in the whole world. I looked down at Leur, my love, my light, my mate, and I said, "No."