A Court of Wind and Song

42: Someday

Leur

You seem upset. Ruhn's form of shadows and stars said to me, his head tilted as I sat on the side of the bridge with him.

Below, nothing but an endless chasm of darkness, empty space.

I didn't answer him, only kept staring at my legs made of golden stars and soft violet nebulas.

Leur. He caught my attention.

I looked up at him, wishing I could see his real face.

If it's upsetting you enough that I can sense it, it's bad. He said, So, what's wrong?

Nothing, really. It's nothing. I shook my head, You've got enough to worry about, kid.

Can I call in our bargain then? Give you something to take your mind off of it?

It always came down to this with him.

His big heart.

Unmovable, no matter what hell life threw at him. If there was one thing about Ruhn Danaan that was ceaseless, that would never change, it was his heart.

I was certain it was why he was working with the rebels in the first place.

I just shot him a look, Fine. Ask.

He looked practically giddy, like a little kid, What's your real name?

I blinked at him a few times, out of all the questions he could have asked... and he thought I was lying about my name?

Was that how little he trusted me?

Leur. I said, My full name is Leuruna.

He went quiet for a moment, Leuruna. I like that. It's almost like my name.

I had never noticed that before. Ruhn. Runa.

Another connection.

I was certain that one day I would figure it out, the reason why I had found him, the reason why he and I seemed to be so connected. Someday, I'd have all of the puzzle pieces, enough to see the picture of truth they created.

But not today.

Why didn't you tell me the full thing?

Do you greet four year olds with your full legal name? I asked sarcastically, Everyone calls me Leur. It's how I introduce myself. You just never asked if it was shortened.

You don't have a last name? He asked.

I did, but I didn't think anyone even remembered it after all this time. Rhys and I never used it. When my brother had taught me to sign my name, he hadn't taught me to use it.

So, I never had.

I don't use it.

Why?

I let out a breath, My father was a piece of shit, and I have no desire to bear his name.

I'd assumed he had already guessed I never had the father of the year. I had comforted him more than enough times through his childhood when Einar threw his fits, given him advice that only someone who lived it too would know. As if we were some fucked up club, all the children whose fathers had never been a dad, who had caused more hurt and suffering than any other wound could. A pain born from rejection, expectations, and the rage of a small man.

Fair. He let out a breath, Where are you from?

A spike of panic went through me, Can you ask an easier question?