A Court of Wind and Song

41: Not Real

Leur

I had just gotten out of the shower and was waiting in the kitchen for the tea kettle to boil when the front door swung open.

"Is that my mate?" I called out across the house, smiling as I checked in on what was in the oven.

I'd made pumpkin bread, one of Azriel's favorites. Honestly, he'd eat almost anything that was ladened with cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves.

He said it tasted like home.

And when he didn't answer me, when I only heard slow, shuffling footsteps stumbling down the hall- enough worry shot through me that I reached down the bond to feel him.

And when I did, I felt absolutely nothing.

A hollow, dusty plane existed where love and light and happiness should be.

I whirled, prepared to run, to find him... and there he was.

In the doorway, soaking wet, lips blue, face pale, and strands of iced over hair hanging in his eyes.

And he was just staring at me.

"Az?" I said gently, one careful step in his direction.

He just started shaking, even if his face was still blank, his silver eyes completely emotionless.

I raised my hands in defense, daring another few steps towards him, my bare feet padding on the marble floors, "It's just me, love. No need to be afraid."

Shaking, his shadows swirling close to his skin, and there was no response, no sign of recognition, nothing. I tried to slip into his mind, and was met with a shield of black iron and shining blue.

He'd locked me out.

I wouldn't force myself in if he didn't want me to see.

Instead, I took a few more steps, only a few feet from him now, "It's me, Az. It's Leur."

Nothing.

Another step.

"I'm going to help you, okay?"

What the fuck was I going to do?

Should I call someone for help? Rhys or Cassian?

What the hell had happened to him? And how hadn't I felt anything?

He was in Monteserre, not Solarea or anywhere farther, only a few hundred miles away. If something had happened, I should have felt it.

And yet, I hadn't felt anything.

Had it happened while I was distracted, fighting Eris's soldiers, seeing Nesta emerge from the bog with that Mask on her face?

What the fuck could have happened to make him act this way?

I was only a foot in front of him now, and I could practically feel the cold radiating from his body. As if all of his warmth had been sucked from his veins, replaced by ice.

I reached a tentative hand towards him, slow and careful, giving him time to mark it, time to react, to stop me if he needed to. But he did nothing, only stared and stared at me, as blank and lifeless as he had been from the moment he showed up in the doorway.

"It's okay, Az." I breathed, my voice low and soft, "It's alright. You're home."

My fingertips brushed across the soft skin of his cheek, just the barest touch against the icy bite of cold, one singular moment.

And then he moved.

Faster than I had ever seen before, too fast for even me to react. He flinched away from my touch and snatched my hand from the air. His grip was not warm, not gentle- no, this was rage and hatred and it hurt.